Identity Crisis

You’ve heard it said before that when you become a mom you lose your identity as it gets swallowed up in all that is being MOM. Who are you anymore? What did you like to do in your spare time before besides sleep ? Were you pleasant to be around? Did you once know how to interact with other adults? Can you do it again? What kind of clothing style did I have? What’s my style now besides sweatpants and t-shirts? These are questions that I and I am sure other mom’s have asked themselves…at least I really hope I’m not the only one.

These questions come up in phases for me. I feel like I’ll have an identity crisis but then it goes away for a while and I am fine and feel great about life but now and then it will come up again. Because of this reoccurring pattern I deciding I needed to dig a little deeper.

This time around when the questions starting coming up again in my mom brain, I decided to talk to my wonderful husband about it. He is always a good listener when I need it and is also full of good advice.

It really came down to the sad and maybe pathetic fact that I really have no interests and hobbies outside being a mom! Sure, I like to cook and I’m not half bad as my husband enthusiastically pointed out but that for me is not part of my identity in that it makes me feel complete or like I am progressing. It is more something I do because I feel like I have to…because I WANT to give my family the best options as far as food and nutrition. I am happy to do it because then I sleep at night knowing they are healthy. I’m just weird like that. But it’s not a passion…something that I WANT to do just because it makes me happy and I have a genuine interest in it.

Make sense?

I also discovered talking with the hubster that it’s possible I never really ‘found myself’ in my college years. It was still definitely a time of growth and figuring the world out. The only time I identified with myself the most and was the most happy about my purpose and passion was when I was called ‘Sister Stephenson’. After that I feel like I was methodically thrown into wife-hood and motherhood.

Don’t worry about me…we are not talking about a serious identity crisis here. Just one that makes it clear I never really nourished or cultivated any real interest or hobbies in my growing up years. There was piano which I love and will get back soon when my piano can get repaired. But there really wasn’t much else that as an adult I took interest in and ‘blossomed’ on my own.

So!!! What does this all mean?!

Now the time has come!!!

Tacky as this may seem, a couple of hours were spent on websites found by typing in ‘Lists of Interests/Hobbies’ into Google. Ahahahahaha I know. Good ‘ol Google.

But it got the juices flowing. And I definitely was able to rule out the ones that I knew wouldn’t bring my any interest or happiness.

And despite my downer sort of uncertainty I did get almost a full page of interests copied down! I am so excited now!

Part of my hang up after I figured this out was how do you choose the right one? Which one is the most important? Especially since none of them seemed life changing or society impacting. But again my wise husband assured me that there is no such thing as one more important than another. As long as it makes me happy and it’s good then somehow, someday the Lord will use those experiences I had for good in helping others or myself.

So here is what I do know that I love and have interest in but will be put off until a future time mostly for financial purposes.

  1. Gardening – although I could do some reading in this area to learn more methods and terminology.
  2. Landscape gardening – This is what my dad has his degree in and is verrry good at it. Maybe some of it passed down!?
  3. HORSES! – ’nuff said
  4. Ballet
  5. Shooting – maybe even competitively? On horses?! AH!  How fun!
  6. Ju Jitzu
  7. Becoming a personal certified trainer – who focuses more on the nutrition side of things.
  8. Hosting parties – duh!
  9. Learning languages – Chinese is first! I could also do this currently but I feel that it would be better done at a later time.

But here is my list of interests/hobbies that I am able to do at this very moment!

  1. Breakmaking! I’ve been dabbling but now I’m not holding back anymore! Books are ordered and tools will be purchased. And the focus is on 100% whole wheat of course!
  2. Creative writing – because writing is fun and healthy. But I wouldn’t say that I’m very good at it. I need inspiration. And probably a revisit to grammar school.
  3. Dance/choreography – specifically hip hop or similar…this is one of those seemingly unimportant ones but to be able to move comfortably and not look like a string bean would make me happy. I love dance.
  4. Interior Decorating – Some research and study is all it would take and someday with a home is when I could try things out. Before really thinking about it I never thought I would be the type to be interested in Interior Decorating but after binge watching ‘Fixer Upper’ on Netflix with my husband it has sparked an interest in finding my own decorating style.
  5. Blogging!
  6. Meditation – something that I have come to feel is really beneficial and important to practice. But it’s pretty difficult so practice and become proficient I will!!!
  7. Piano
  8. Missionary Work – always praying for opportunities is all it takes!
  9. Education – this one would include becoming a proficient in Geography, math, nutrition and learning calligraphy or just bettering my handwriting overall.

Are you surprised powerlifting isn’t included in this list? Me too. I am still struggling with that one. Maybe in a different time of my life it will become a hobby again.

This whole mom thing is a journey and things change all the time! I feel like this discovery is really going to enrich my life and I hope that future identity crisis’ are non existent or at least less often. Cheers to finding myself as I fight thru the high and lows of these hobbies and experiences!

Have you ever had an identity crisis? What are your interests that give you purpose and happiness?