Tag Archives: Here’s me Complaining

28 weeks?

The last 33 hours have been rough. No, that’s not the right word. They’ve been horrible.

It started out with my routine midwife appointment on Tuesday morning. Everything looked good. Then she measured my belly. Listened to the heartbeat. Said something like, “Wake up little guy!”  it sounded slow to me and that was it. Then she casually mentioned something about possibly needing an ultrasound just so she can be sure he’s growing properly and is the right size. I never had ultrasounds with Ben and William.

They (team midwife) explained that with my previous two babies I measured the same weeks gestation the baby was but with this one he’s measuring smaller. She said something about intrauterine restriction or something…and then that was it. An ultrasound was scheduled for two days later to have some questions answered and I was off.

My amazing midwife later apologized for not reassuring me more as I left that everything was fine and not to worry. Not sure it would have helped much anyway because that’s just what I do.

I found myself driving home (this was the ONE apt. David didn’t make it to) bawling my eyes out with worry.

His heartbeat was slower than normal, he’s smaller than he should be…all these possibilities running through my mind.  It got bad.

Despite the fact that I later called my midwife back and heard her tell me that his heartbeat was actually just perfect and normal (this is when she apologized for not reassuring me more), I was still struggling.

To be compact, I had myself convinced that something was terribly wrong with my baby. Here’s the kicker though…I let myself believe it so wholeheartedly BECAUSE I believe(d) that my ‘trial’ had come.

You hear that everyone has trials, no one will be void. Life is hard and it’s supposed to be. You can’t progress and grow with out them. So my thinking has always been, “Ok, well I haven’t had any major trials in my life so something big must be coming…I wonder what it will be…and when.”

(Is it ironic that my song of the week is about life being too good that it must not be real?)

I was convinced that this was it. Here it was. It made sense! I’d been waiting and wondering what my trial(s) would be and here they were. No more wondering.

What is wrong with me?

To make things worse, this morning after the craziness of the morning (where btw, it didn’t help when Ben’s kindergarten teacher who when we met with her this morning for Ben’s assessment said, “you are so tiny for 28 weeks! I know she meant well but man for this situation it’s not what you want to hear) I started to realize that my baby hadn’t been moving around like he usually does. I didn’t want to panic unnecessarily so I waited some more. Besides, he WAS moving but only in one defined area and very weakly and not very often.  I laid down for a while because that’s usually a time I can count on him becoming more active. Nothing. I finally shared my concerns with David through tears and he suggested drinking a sugary drink so I did. I laid down for a while longer…about an hour. Still nothing. Not like normal. Not his rolling and shifting and really moving…just a faint little kick every once and a while.

So by this time I was a complete mess. I thought it was over. I knew something was terribly wrong. I was gone. David called our midwife and updated her. She told us to head into the local labor and delivery at the hospital. She called ahead and got us an apt with the on call doctor.

The drive there felt like an eternity. Thankfully my mom and dad were able to tag team it and watch the boys last minute.

I was able to get it together on the drive but once we were there I just broke down again so David had to take over doing most of the talking. I will say however that our particular nurse that got us settled was incredible at making me feel better and more comfortable.  She might never know what a difference she made for me today.

All the nurses were wonderful. They got me hooked up right away to the fetal Doppler thing and there it was, just what I needed to hear…his strong heartbeat. Tears of gratitude. He was OK. At least for now I could know that.

A little later they did an ultrasound and found that everything looked normal. They said he didn’t do a practice breath which they were hoping to see but that just because they didn’t see it means anything’s wrong. He’s still young.

His amniotic fluid is plentiful, his organs etc all fine. BUT he is measuring small…about 26 weeks instead of 28 like we thought I was.

We don’t know what this means yet. There is a possibility that I am only 26 weeks and I am doing my darnedest to be open to that possibility (even though I’m very skeptical because with conception dates in mind and a few other factors at play it doesn’t seem right to me – but hey I’ve been terribly wrong up to this point). If that’s not the case then he is a small 28 week old baby and we go from there. Could that mean intrauterine growth restriction? Something else?

We wont know anything until a second ultrasound in a few weeks to compare his growth from the one we got today.

The doctor that came in to answer a few of our questions was nice enough to do so even though it became clear the moment he came into the room that he knew we were ‘midwife people’ and that he didn’t intend on helping us much.  We heard about his morals and the mess that comes from trying to blend two different philosophies…blah blah. We told him that we understood.  Which we really do…to an extent. He answered our questions to the best of his ability.

When his time with us was drawing to a close however he said, “You two seem like awesome people though, so Ill have you come in about 3 weeks and I’ll do another ultrasound and see what I can see.” And that was that.

When I got home it wasn’t much longer before I got a phone call and it was Dr. Horsley asking if I had any other questions. He was very nice and suggested that I actually come in on Friday afternoon for a free of charge ultrasound just so he could get another look and kinda start over with a due date etc. He said he wanted a deeper history of my previous pregnancies and that we would go from there. (I’m trying SO hard not to worry that it was because of something concerning he saw after we left. See…there’s that fear over faith thing again.)

Nonetheless, it was very kind of him to call. I just hope he’s not trying to ‘save’ us from midwifery. Ha. The truth is I have always been grateful for the option of modern medicine…what a blessing if needed.

So that’s my story. I feel about 80% better than I did but there are definitely still some questions I have. Why is baby boy small? Now we wait.

So far what this experience has taught me is that I may seriously have something wrong with me. Not really new news.  I need to figure out why I view the world and God and our trials in the way I do. And why do I allow my mind to take control so heavily.  I mean I really really let myself believe there was something wrong. Why can’t I be positive and have faith instead of fear? Is mother’s intuition a real thing because mine was shooting red flags all over the place…maybe mine is just under the weather….and I guess the story isn’t over yet so who knows.

All I know is I have a lot to learn still. Oh and I love my husband…a lot.

What are your thoughts on trials in our lives..or the lack thereof?   How do you find reassurance through difficult potentially devastating times?

Viral Virus

See this here?  (pointing to imaginary box)

This is my soap box….I’m going to step up onto it for a minute.

Ahem…..hem hem…..

When I learn something new I am always eager to share it. This week I have learned a lot about the influenza virus.

My entire family has been wiped out with this horrible virus, during the week of Christmas no less. Fortunately, I somehow evaded the virus until we got home from our ‘vacation’, unpacked, grocery shopped and made some homemade chicken noodle soup…then BAM! I was a goner.

Whenever a serious illness goes through our household which has only been one other time about 5 years ago I become very well read on the subject because well what else do I have to do when I’m flat on my back?

5 years ago it was the norovirus and rotovirus. This time is the influenza virus.

Whether or not it’s beneficial or helpful to ponder on the exact place we picked up this virus I do it anyway.  And it could have been one of two places, preschool or primary.

At preschool Ben does a very good job at washing his hands every day before snack time. He knows to not put his hands near his face unless he’s washed them.  The horrible thing about the flu virus is that it can easily be spread just by breathing the same air as someone who has had it.  Not a whole lot of preventative measures to be done about that…At least not by the healthy victim.

In primary before our Christmas vacation I noticed a girl in Ben’s class coughing all over him and everyone else.  Now of course I don’t know if she had the flu or just a nasty cough unless I went and interrogated her mother which believe me I’ve considered…haha!

In either of the situations though it could have been avoided if families of sick kids had kept them home a couple days longer.

Our Christmas vacation could have been so much different if someone had kept their kid home instead of letting them go.

Harsh? Maybe, but it’s true. Every bout of illness most likely could be avoided if the passer of the illness had been ‘quarantined’ if you will for a bit longer.

Let me paint this picture for you. Because someone decided their kids was OK enough to go out two little boys became ill as well as their parents. Practically annihilated Christmas. And because the virus was incubating while we were traveling 5.5 hours north to my in-laws house for Christmas my dear father in law and now mother in law (confirmed today) have fallen ill. Had we known we never would have gone.  My sweet cheery mother in law called us while suffering from a 102 degree fever.  Chances are (if we didn’t inform him) my father in law would probably go to church on Sunday and infect others with it and since it is a small branch with lots of older citizens somebody might fall ill and even die from it.

Something really should be done in helping the general public know that it can make a world of a difference for somebody else or for a whole community if when your kids feels great but still has that nasty cough or that runny nose to just keep them home!!  Think how dramatic a change could occur if everybody did this…or even just a few did!

It should be common courtesy.

My two boys already feel so much better. They have been playing for a couple days now and eating like normal for about the same. It’s Thursday. By Sunday they will only be that much better right? Ya. But guess what they will still have that lingering cough and maybe a sneeze or two so for that reason we will not be going to church! I can’t imagine being responsible for spreading this horrible experience to anyone else! How rude!

Please oh please world let’s make it better by doing our part at NOT spreading infectious diseases. It’s science. It is possible to avoid it. It’s a living thing that needs to be handled and destroyed. But we can’t win a battle with an enemy that we don’t know anything about.

Learn about incubation periods, mutation patterns and productive and unproductive disinfectant measures. Believe me if I can understand it, anyone can.

And going back to my underlying mantra, eating well and sleeping well are the best defenses to virus’ like these.

My father in law told us that there was no way this was the influenza virus because we would all be so much more sick than we were (are). But my belief is that we  would be a lot more sick if it wasn’t for our immune systems which have been buoyed up and ready to fight way before they were invaded.

I realize not many people read my blog so if you are reading this please pass it on or take it and rewrite something similar on your own blog.

So again in short, JUST BECAUSE YOUR KIDS FEELS BETTER DOES NOT MEAN THEY ARE NOT CONTAGIOUS STILL!!! This virus quickly invaded many people’s lives that were otherwise very, very healthy!

Alright, I’m done. Good night.

(stepping off soap box)

 

Tragedy in Logan

No, there wasn’t a devastating earthquake or fatal shooting. No one tragically died (that I know of) and I’m not talking about the welfare of humanity. Well not really.

No I’m just talking about the End of Blacksmith Barbell as we know it.

Technically Blacksmith Barbell is still open but it’s under new ownership. It’s not the same.

Our trainer Atticus for reasons I wont discuss had to close up shop and move on to different paths, paths that took him to another city and state.

As it was happening I was sort of in a state of shock and I couldn’t believe that it would really happen. It couldn’t happen!! Could it?!

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It did. We came back from our sunny California vacation to the cold (literal) hard truth. We (me, mom, sis in law, hubby and brother) had fallen in love with Powerlifting so much we were forced to look at our options for other gyms. It was a terribly depressing week. Nothing was good enough. It wasn’t going to live up to what we had. What we were used to. There were a lot of tears.

Ya I know. Again no one died. Yet for us he may as well have. So dramatic. Us here with our cushy first world problems.

Anyway, Blacksmith Barbell did open again under new ownership and it was a really big blessing. Because now we could at least work out with the equipment and the surroundings that we knew and were comfortable with.

Except the problem is it’s still terribly depressing because each time I go it’s a reminder of how great it used to be and how un-great it is now.

I really don’t know what I’m doing unless I have a trainer helping me and pushing me. Man, we were spoiled with Atticus. And now it’s over.

Have I complained enough?

So the short story is I have to decide if my love of powerlifting can overcome this little, no this big hiccup. Because I have had days where I just don’t go because I don’t have the motivation or desire. What?!

Was my love of powerlifting that closely connected to my trainer? Can I find that happiness again?!

I think so.

I just need to find that thing that gets me going again. Navigating change is hard. I don’t know what it is yet but I have to find it.

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On Monday we finally got William in for his year old shots. Ya he is 3. In governments terms we were running quite a bit behind but we obviously we not too worried about it.

Well, I can’t say that actually. I was extremely worried, just not about being late.

I won’t get into it here and now but I am sure you know all about the hype about ‘do vaccinations cause autism?’ and whatnot, well short story is both sides have merit it just comes down to which is less risky?

ANYWAY!!! After his shots he reacted the way he normally does..fever and not feeling good but this time it was bit worse. And I was freaking out. He is finally feeling better so that’s good but we were feeling so bad after his shots we decided to go get a treat.

And then it turned into a lot of treats! Freakin Kneaders bakery display.

But we don’t do it ever so we were thought its ok. Cookies, chocolate pie, chocolate milk and suckers for William! Sheesh! Talk about sugar rush!

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Ya it was fun but it’s been a week now and they are still talking about eating more sugar so it’s gonna be a while till we do THAT again!

California Dreamin’

We got back from our Newport Beach California “vacation” a week and a half ago. Maybe you are wondering why I put “vacation” in scare quotes. Well I’ll tell you why.

Unfortunately this trip could not be defined to me as a vacation. I guess technically, if you were to look up the definition of vacation yes it would be…I did in fact vacate my permanent place of residence for a period of time to participate in recreation or whatever elsewhere.

But to me a “vacation” is also something oozing of relief from current cares and a time with significantly less stress than you were experiencing at home…a recharging of batteries.

Now don’t get all offended. Especially my family. I did have some serious moments of recharging and relaxation…but truthfully they were fleeting and oh so short; overshadowed by the stress and worry accompanying the trip. And yes these small moments were worth every bit of stress.

I’ll just jot it all down and get the negativity over-with asap. There was the 12+ hour drive with restless kids, a potentially carsick teenager and a ticking time bomb of a husband with all his back and hip problems. The struggle of familiarity of food and trying to be healthy so we all felt good, the outbursts of not feeling good because of said food, trying to keep the 3 Sherwood ghosts from frying like dried worms on a sidewalk and from being swept into the strong ocean currents constantly! Oh ya there was a shark sighting! Sleep oh essential sleep…just yikes. Cooking and cleaning too! Hello that’s not a vacation! Random and seriously unfortunate spout of Lucie throwing up (poor girl) and then of course all the car troubles! More on that later! But now for the positive stuff! Cuz it really was fun amidst all these things!

It started out with a night at Grandma and Grandpa’s and the kids pulled out their legos. It was a family affair. Plus we love visiting this home and the people in it.

 

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When we got to Vegas David was in dire need of deadlifts which are the like the one thing that make him (and his hips) feel better. There was nothing to be found by way of platform and barbells around so we got creative and tried to deadlift the back end of the cars. He got them up but he couldn’t straighten out his hips at the top which is the crucial part so it didn’t really work. 🙂

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We ended up going to a local gym on the way out for about 20 mins so he could deadlift. And it worked! He was miraculously good for the remainder of the trip to Cally!

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And so were these boys.

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This is me attempting to relax and read on the beach. Fleeting. I don’t think I ever got past chapter one.

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Toys in the beach house were ALMOST more entertaining than the beach. Almost.

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Walk from our house to the beach…not far at all.

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Watching the sunsets

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Lucie and Lachlan were champion boogie boarders. And they had fun doing it.

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Sandcastles of course!!

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Papa taking a turn!

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We tried to make planking and push ups a nightly tradition. Can’t decide if sand makes it harder or easier!

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Olive makes the cutest photo bomber ever!img_20160928_182523

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Twirling in the sand!

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And we all fell down!

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“Mimi, will you take me to the water!!?” William

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Our last few moments in the sand and water. It was bittersweet for me. And on the way home our trusty Acura decided to give up the ghost in none other than ‘Death Valley’. It’s like the most unoriginal thing ever. But man did it make for good memories.

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Waited for our tow truck a little over 2 hours while we sent our kiddos off with Mimi and Papa. Tow truck took us to the rental car place where I jumped out and not so easily rented a car to take us to Ogden. But not before we emptied our car and tried some last ditch efforts on our car that were unsuccessful. We drove tired eyed to St. George and crawled into bed.

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Next morning we packed the kids in the rental and headed home. Before we had to drop Lucie off in Salt Lake we were lucky enough to meet this cutie at a gas station in Beaver and have some fun with him.

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Instead of renting another car in Ogden to Logan my awesome brother came and rescued us with his big ol truck…transfer all the stuff…again!!!

All in all a pretty fun time for the kids. I need to learn how to relax a little more on vacations because not taking them in not an option.

Despite my blog title I’m definitely not California Dreamin right now. Just Dreamin. 🙂

“Is that a snake inside?”

I’ve always been pretty active. I played soccer a little when I was in middle school, tried my hand at ballet (which I loved and still have a passionate love for) then horseback riding was the next biggest thing in my life (which if you’re thinking,”that’s not a sport or an endurance activity Anna”, well then I’d say you’ve never really ridden a horse before). Then I hiked a bunch and ran off and on until I came back to Logan in 2009.

That’s when I met and married my husband, worked fulled time, got preggers and had a baby then another one real quick and then come 2014-ish felt like a normal person again and started to dab my toe into being active again.

The reason I tell you all this is because even though I’ve been active most of my life I’ve never experienced what I’m experiencing here and now.

I’ve mentioned in my previous post that Blacksmith Barbell is the ‘hole in the wall’ type gym with no air conditioning. Really, it’s not that bad, the big bay doors are opened up and you can catch a breeze and they’ve done a nice job at insulating it so it’s really quite nice. Some even prefer it hotter as it helps you train harder and become more ‘hard core’. Also, have you heard of a little thing called HOT yoga where people pay a lot of $$$ to do yoga in an insanely hot room? Interesting maybe?

Anyway something you probably didn’t know about me is that when I work out in the heat, even bearable heat I turn into a beet face. A really scary looking beet face. People are concerned for me and waves of heat just pour off me. The thing others don’t understand is it’s not because I’m dying and can’t breathe and am about to fall over. Even if I’m just fine and not out of breathe at all I will still have beet face going on.Ya, it’s super fun.

I guess I just overheat pretty quick and I don’t seem to have the ability to sweat from my face as much as I should so it doesn’t cool down like the rest of my body. No biggie. I have learned how to compensate and alleviate some of the beet face syndrome.

Like….

#1. Apply water to face consistently throughout my workout, a fan is a super awesome plus.

#2. Apply water to every other area of my body, amap (as much as possible – I just made it up)

#3. Wear headband that is kept wet.

#4. Wear the least amount of clothing as possible while still trying to be appropriate (darn all you men who can go shirtless!)

This last one is what I mean to write about today.

Sooooo….I have varicose veins(thank you Stephenson genes). Up until I got pregnant they were always fairly unnoticeable. Pregnancy and age just had a magical way of making them reach a whole new potential of hideous. So, I in turn felt obligated to cover them so as to not upset little children or make people squirm (if you’re lucky you’ll get to see my two little boys slowly running their tiny hands up and down them because it feels so awesome or squishing them with their fingers innocently asking, “what are these bumps mama?” or “What’s inside your leg?”) Pride and vanity (or is it shame) were my constant companions in regards to my legs. I never let it stop me completely from wearing capris or knee length shorts or skirts but I was always self conscience and would rarely expose them completely (swimsuit cover ups etc).

Enter Blacksmith Barbell. Pride and Vanity not allowed. Only survival.

It’s been really really good for me in many ways to be fully exposed to the world (dramatic eh) and to lose the pride (or is it shame) that has been with me for too long.  I literally cannot care what people think because if I did I guess I would be wearing pants every day and that would just be really dumb because you would find me either on the floor about to have a seizure or in the hospital post seizure, heatstrokin it up. Not smart. Not smart. Thank you short shorts!!!

My veins are ugly, yes they are, but my legs are not, in fact my legs look better than they ever have in my whole life! So instead of focusing on something I can’t change I am going to continue to focus on things I can! Again I am grateful for finding Blacksmith Barbell. Add this life lesson learned to the many others (although I KNOW they were not aware of this lesson being acquired)!  Our bodies are temples and they are beautiful!!! Varicose veins and all! And I just can’t care if they make you squirm! Squirm away I say!!

ps. If you would like to you can come rub them down like my kids do and then maybe they wont be so scary. You know, cause things we are familiar with aren’t as scary right? Plus they really do feel cool.

pps. Just so you don’t think I’m a hypocrite in the future you should know that as soon as I’m done having babies and we have the extra $$$ I do plan on having them removed. Because they are hideous but also because with time and pregnancies they have gotten more painful.

ppps. I did hot yoga once and you’d have thunk that they had to take me out on a gurney but guess what my face wasn’t even red!  Ya, the humidity of the room helped me sweat so my beet face was minimal. Funny!

Then end.

 

Dishwasher Woes

About a month ago our neighbors below us noticed a large area of their ceiling that was sagging and soggy!  It was in their kitchen so naturally the attention was brought up to our apartment to find the culprit.

Thus started the fiasco.  At first they thought maybe it was just the sink caulking that needed to be done again but after doing that when the leaking didn’t stop they had a plumber come look at the dishwasher.  Bingo!  Apparently each time we ran the dishwasher (which was about 2X’s a day for about 7 months) a bunch of water spattered out to the flooring and ceiling below.  It was a mess.  The concrete pad under the dishwasher was soup!  Crazy!  I guess we don’t know how long the thing had been leaking but long enough for that to occur.

So then started the waiting.  Waiting for the restoration guys to come look at it and then the insurance adjusters to come look at it…all in a matter of 2 weeks with no work getting done and no dishwasher!!!

Ugh!  Ok it was painful at first but I actually got used to it and found my kitchen to be consistently cleaner than when I did have a dishwasher.  It just had to be done!

The day came when they came to work.  We found out they weren’t just replacing the dishwasher but the flooring too! Yay!  Of course nothing gets done as fast as you think so we were walking ever so cautiously for a couple days so as to not get slivers in our feet..but the day came!  They installed new flooring and a new dishwasher!

I made sure they checked for mold.  They assured me there wasn’t any but I’m still skeptical.  Hopefully we’ll be here only a few more months. Who knows?

Anyway, in the mean time I’m enjoying my new found appreciation for a dishwasher and my (cheap) wonderful new floor.  Ahhhhh apartment living.  Oh simple pleasures.

On their way out we mentioned (reluctantly but in necessity) the toilet and how stubborn and awful it is at it’s job and they just pretended not to hear us. I don’t blame them.  I’d be sick of seeing me too if I had just spent a month dealing with that crap.  Maybe I’ll wait a couple weeks before I complain again.  🙂 hehe

Here’s some before and after pics for your pleasure. 🙂

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BEFORE

See the nasty white linoleum? It has stains and things that no matter how I scrubbed just wouldn’t come out…and it was squishy. Ew.  And the perpetrator you can barely see on the right just sneakily sitting there being all old and leaky.

TA-DA!!!

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Isn’t it beautiful? They are coming to do the baseboard on Saturday.  Maybe I’ll leave him a note about the toilet then.

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I might take pictures of our new little apartment if we ever get fully moved in and cleaned.  I’ve been able to practice lots of patience because since we’ve moved David has basically been MIA. He did his comprehensive exams which was a week of 8 hr tests followed by a 4 hr. oral test.  It was intense…not for us as much as him obviously but man.

Then it’s been random busy work with the business and school so I’m in limbo with this new place.  It’s not put together yet but it’s close.  I like it.  I hated it first.  But I’m doing better.  It doesn’t have a garbage disposal and the carpet is somewhat horrible but practice and pretty rugs help with both those situations.

I think this week is when we will finish moving in.  Maybe I will get pictures up after that.  It’s nothing to oh and ah over but in case you’re curious.

Yesterday’s lesson was being grateful in every circumstance and I was grateful for the reminder.  There are so many opportunities for growth!  I have so much to be grateful for.  These two would be at the top of my list for sure!

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Roller Coasters = Zero Fun

My life has been quite the roller coaster lately.  And I hate roller coasters.  Seriously.   You can’t pay me to get on them…not fun, not fun at all so when I use this metaphor there is no tinge of excitement or real ‘ups’ involved.  That’s harsh.  My life has lot’s of ups…they are the people that are standing down on solid ground cheering me on and loving me while I’m getting thrown back and forth on the stupid ride.

Anyway, if this roller coaster had a name the sign out front of it would say, Welcome to Hypersonic Health Monster!  And I’d have a season pass.

This isn’t supposed to be a complaining post and I really don’t think it will turn out that way (I hope) but to start out I have to say that being sick SUCKS!  And don’t think that I’ve been very sick cause I haven’t.  I’ve been generally healthy all my life!  I’ve been just sick enough to not feel totally right but not sick enough to really raise a fuss about it.  So I went about my life and 5.5 years later i’ts all coming to a head.

I worry.  It’s just my thing.  I’m a master at it.  I’ve even learned how to control it so that the people around me don’t know just how worried I am or what I am worrying about but it’s always there.  Always something I am worrying about…what if….could this be.  It’s definitely taken a toll on my health…for sure.  I know that and I know that I need to learn to control it a bit more but it’s just one of those things that easier said than done.  But I’m working on it.  There.

Did you know that stress can lead to cancer and a host of other diseases?  I did.  So when a large lump showed up in my neck one day, what did I do?! I worried.   I worried the heck out of it.  Kind of ironic isn’t?  I continue to do the same thing that in my mind was causing this potentially cancerous lump in my throat to form.

Anyway at the time that this lump showed up in my throat I was also seeing a homeopathic doctor (a very good one) for a host of other problems/symptoms that I’d been having for the past several years but were getting far worse that I couldn’t ignore them anymore.  This experience with the homeopathic doctor may merit an entire post itself…so fascinating.  I love it.

But the short version here is that with her amazing tool she read my body like a book and knew all the areas that were stressed and weakened and narrowed down the biggest problem to…drumroll please!…..a parasite!!!  Yuck!

Can you believe that?!  Now here’s that really cool part.  This woman didn’t know me or my medical history.  She didn’t know that a week previous I had blood work done (to see if I was still anemic) and that the only level that was considered high in my bloodwork was the one that indicated allergy or PARASITE! What?!

SO we’re taking care of THAT naturally and wonderfully and I already feel a difference.  We don’t really know and there’s no real way of knowing where and when I got it but my best guesses are I’ve been carrying this sucker around since around the time of my mission maybe just before.  That’s 5 years! Gross right?!  No wonder I’ve been feeling so OFF for so long.  Ew.  Moving on.

So there’s this lump.  There’s my worrying.  There’s my not feeling good and wondering if it could ALL be blamed on the nasty amoeba.  So back to the doctors.  More blood drawn, full metabolic screen done, ultra sound ordered, biopsy ordered, more worrying and waiting until yesterday…..

It’s kinda funny how it happened too because we had a schedule appointment for today with the doctor to show up in his office and see him face to face to hear the long awaited results dun dun dun kinda thing but then out of the blue a random nurse from a completely different office calls me and tell me over the phone a day before the appointment that my lump is benign.  Yay!!

It was a weird moment for me.  I wanted to kiss that nurse but I also wanted to punch her in the face….I was so unprepared for it to happen that way so fast but at the same time it was benign so I didn’t care!  I know I am weird right?!!!

But that’s my roller coaster.  It really isn’t all that bad obviously it could have been and could be a lot worse.  I’m thankful for that.  I think it’s just taken it’s toll because I’ve felt so yucky for so long.

So the lessons I’ve learned here are 1) Listen to your body and follow your instinct even if you think it’s nothing – your body is designed to feel amazing  2) Stop stressing so much…I’ve avoided cancer this time but if I don’t stop worrying maybe next time I wont be so lucky and 3) Our bodies are a gift, an amazing gift from our Heavenly Father who loves us and knows them well oh and one more 4) I think ‘modern’ medicine definitely has it’s place but it’s NOT the best we have.  Seriously.

Blessings

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It’s been raining for days here.  Except for a few hours here and there.  It nice too because it always seems to be when we decide to go for a walk to the park or something.  Then when we get home it starts back up again.  It’s a working miracle as we see it.  We NEEDED moisture, we fast, and we receive.  Awesome.

And when I say we, I mean the saints as a whole.  My family was not apart of this miracle unfortunately.  Fasting is  a practice we need to reacquire.  After 2 pregnancies and months of nursing afterwards we have kind of gotten out of the habit….and I guess more than that since sometimes we just simply choose not to fast even when we remember.  It’ll happen again.  We don’t plan on getting pregnant for a while so I feel like we’ll get back to normal in some ways.  Boy do babies seem to really throw me off.  Is that normal?  Is it also normal to picture yourself with just the amount of kids you currently have?  I’m 97% sure I want more kids but 3% sure that I don’t, at least and especially right now.  I wonder how I would be viewed as the Mormon mom who chose to have only 2 kids (not that I view moms with 2 kids any differently).  Weird.  But not relevant to think about at this point.  Like I said, I’m sure I’ll get the baby bug several years down the road and bam it’ll happen again and I’ll love it.

I love watching my boys interact with each other.  William is only 8 months old so he’s not really ‘playing’ per se but they interact and follow each other around, make each other laugh and are just very aware of each-other.  I know as time passes they will fight more, that’s inevitable but my goal is to teach them how to forgive each other and think of eachother’s needs instead of their own and most importantly how to have fun together and love being with each other.  Lofty goal?  Maybe…but an important one.  My chances are pretty high though I must say simply because of who they have as a father.  He’s a pretty amazing guy, one of a kind, genuine person so how could they not turn out great?  They love him SO much.  I feel so blessed.

The other day I told David that when he graduates, it’s my turn to go get a job and be out of the house so that they get sick of him and love me when I walk in the door. hehe

Do you know what freedom tastes like?  We do.  We are so close to being free from classes and then school altogether that we can taste it.  It’s torture.  But that’s how it goes.  It’s fun to dream and plan and dream some more.  It will be fun to see where we actually end up.  Who knows??!!

But for right now we enjoy the simplicity of our life.  I get to stay home with the boys while David wears himself out at school.  We enjoy simple evenings together and then it starts all over again the next day.  It’d be easy to call it monotonous and boring but I don’t.  At least most days I don’t.  I have a strong feeling that we’ll look back on this phase of our life and long for it in ways.  It’s simple and slow but the beauty of this life is we can learn to enjoy every phase of our lives by being grateful and keeping perspective.   The Gospel gives us all the tools we need to be happy, no matter what.  How wonderful.  Dontcha think?