- How do I feel at the moment?
Just finished breakfast, baby is sleeping, boys are playing battleship together. I feel really good. I’m trying to overcome this notion that my life is lacking in so many areas because it’s really not. I am listening to and watching my home videos of my family growing up and I realize even more how blessed I have been. I feel nostalgic. I feel anxious for my kids to have the same blessings..the same great memories I do.
2. What do I need more of in my life?
I need more of the spirit of Christ. More christlike attributes. I need more perspective of what’s really important…the ability to see my kids as they really are instead of little men trying to drive me crazy. they are just little boys! So innocent and sweet. I also need to have more genuine silliness in my life which will require no inhibitions or pride. Spontaneity and fun.
3. What would make me happy right now?
To be able to go to church without fear of illness and show off my baby. To get dressed up and feel good. To feel sunshine on my face and skin.
4. What is going right in my life?
My children are all healthy and happy. I am married to an amazing man who is genuine and serving and just an all around good guy. We are living in a nice area in a spacious home. Business is succeeding and growing and bringing much reward to those who have been working so hard. I can’t think of anything that is really going wrong right now. Ya, we need more money for things that we think we might need but there is no hurt, no uncomfortable living situations, no panic, no urgency. Content.
5. What am I grateful for? List at least 10 things.
- Healthy food, healthy family
- Home, cars, water, clothes
- Fresh air and blue skies and sunshine
- Memories and technology
- Jesus Christ
- Good smells
- Being able to sleep good
6. When did I experience Joy this week?
Everytime I am nursing my baby I feel joy. One morning particularly this week the sunrise was beautiful out my small window and birds were flying thru the blue sky and I felt my small baby’s hands on my chest and I knew that God was listening to my thoughts and prayers. I can look down at the small miracle at my chest and feel joy. Somehow it’s also helped me feel more joy with my two older boys too.
7. List all my small victories and successes.
Everyday I feel is a small victory. Most days getting healthy food down my kids throats is a victory. Making a yummy dinner for my family for me is a victory and I feel very good about doing that. Keeping my house clean and even giving my kids a bath feels like a success to me. This isn’t because I feel incapable of these things but because the list of things to do is so long and never ending that anything checked off that list is a small victory.
When I remember to send a birthday wish or I remember somebody’s name. When I have had a good conversation with a new or old friend.
When I get homeschooling done for the day with Ben.
Seeing my baby full and satisfied after bf. Seeing him sleeping good.
Not scrolling thru instagram.
8. What’s bothering me? Why?
Always the worry of getting sick. Because of this I can’t get out as much as I want to or feel like I could.
This feeling that I don’t know myself anymore (hence this exercise) that I can’t think for myself and can’t be ‘original’ in my thoughts, new ideas etc. It’s bothering me that my ‘creative’ brain seems to be dead. SM has probably done this to me.
There is so much i want to do in this life and there is a part of me that feels like the opportunity or the time to do so is slipping away. Will it ever happen?
I’m 32 this year and yet I feel like I am not who I want to be. I don’t know who i am and I don’t feel one with my purpose. That’s a bother.
9. What are my priorities at the moment?
to fatten my baby up, help him grow up healthy and strong and well adjusted so that we can get to a normal routine sooner rather than later.
To educate my son to the best of my ability which requires me to rekindle and refresh my education.
To make our house a home. Furniture and decor etc. while staying in the small budget.
keeping my family healthy and happy
making sure they are making great memories and spending time with cousins and friends.
Today? This week? To get my vhs digitized and my 2017 photos scrapbooked.
10. What do I love about myself?
I’m tall? I didn’t always love that about myself though. I do now. this is a hard one for me. I guess I don’t love a whole lot about myself.
11. Who means the world to me and why?
My kids. Because along with God we created them and then they grew inside me and I’ve nurtured and cared for them and in turn have eternal love for them. something that I believe is also just god given…a god given love. My husband. Because he and I are a team. We complete each other because we choose it to be that way. My family. My parents and my brothers and their wives. My family is really close. I grew up with my cousins, aunts and uncles all around me all the time and so they are all like immediate family to me. I can’t imagine my life without it being that way. I feel so blessed.
12. If I could share one message with the world, what would it be?
I imagine this as someone saying, “Hey, the world is listening, here’s the mic, you’ve got a few minutes.” Sheesh that’s daunting. I would probably say something like this…”I know God is real. He’s there and he’s your Father…who lives in Heaven. He loves you. Just as you imagine a great dad loves his child but even more perfectly. You are his child. He is the same today as he was yesterday and a thousand years ago. This means that today he has called a prophet just as he did back then. Jesus’ church is on the earth today and I invite you to find out for yourself if I’m telling the truth. Because if I am, it’s the most important thing you’ll hear and do in this life.”
13. What advice would I give to my younger self? (Do I follow this advice now?)
Stop scowling/squinting so much you’ll make a deep wrinkle in your forehead. Stop caring about what people think and be silly. Be more open about your feelings with others, be touchy and loving, kiss more boys and tell your parents you love them more often. Wear your retainer and take better care of your teeth.
14. What lesson did I learn this week?
That I still don’t know what I am doing with this parenting thing and will always be learning.
15. If I had all the time in the world, what would I want to do first?
Travel!!! Everywhere and anywhere!
16. What’s draining my energy? How can I reduce or cut it out?
Right now, the stress of maybe my milk not cooperating. It seems to be very sensitive to my level of stress and level of sleep and water intake. If any of those things are off it suffers and then my baby suffers. Do I just supplement with formula? Maybe he’s just going through a growth spurt?
My son William has a really nasty cough right now and I am stressing over my baby getting it too.
Just overall not getting as much sleep as I normally would, what with a new baby and all.
I’m not sure there is much I can do about any of it except for choose not to stress over things i can’t control and do what I can about the things I do have control over like drinking enough water, taking lecithin and NOT STRESSING! duh.
17. What does my ideal morning look like?
Wake up with the sun. I love seeing dawn. Reading my scriptures and being filled with the spirit. Going on a hike or bike ride or doing something active outside. Showering and getting ready, feeling pretty and then making my family a delicious breakfast while we dance in the kitchen together.
Most mornings one or two of these things happen but I guess ideally it would be cool for it happen all in one day. 🙂 But I’ll take what I can get.
18. What does my ideal day look like?
I could be doing anything as long as my kids are healthy, I am not stressed over something, no one is yelling or fighting and we are spending time together as a family, its a good day. Throw in a new experience together, some quality time with family or friends and it’s going to be a great day.
19. What makes me come alive? When was the last time I felt truly alive?
Childbirth – not so much the labor part but the moment when that child is placed on my chest after the work is when I feel most alive.
When I’m outside exercising. Hiking. Southern Utah comes to mind. Red rocks, fresh air, heart pumping. Ahhhh. Yes. It’s been too long.
When I’m testifying of Jesus Christ and the spirit fills my heart. Yes, again its been waaaay too long.
20. What/who inspires me the most? Why am I drawn to those inspirations?
She would probably be surprised at my saying so but my mom. She is more of what I want to be as a mom. She has a way with people that I’m sure she doesn’t fully realize and this extends to her kids who all love her dearly. Plus she willingly got pregnant 5 times despite being extremely ill! That is very inspirational…at least to me.
There is also just people/strangers that I see who are going through or who have gone through something so hard and excruciatingly painful but who are still alive and kicking and even happy. Inspiring others and helping others who are going through it. I guess I’m drawn to it because I can’t fathom having the kind of strength that requires such endurance. I haven’t gone through anything that hard and can’t imagine anything other than crawling up in a ball and staying there forever. haha Guess you never know what strength you have until you need it.
21. Where does my pain originate? What would need to happen for me to heal?
I’m not sure what this question is getting at. Physical pain? Emotional? Maybe both? Or maybe it’s open ended so the writer can interpret it. Hmmmm my pain. Sorry i’ve got nothing.
22. What are my strengths? What am I really good at?
Geez, I don’t know why these questions are so hard for me. I guess I have a real self love problem.
I’m a good listener. At least that’s what I’ve been told.
I’m a fairly good cook.
I’m empathetic, not just sympathetic.
23. What is something I’ve always wanted to do but was too scared?
See most of the things below.
24. What is something I would love to learn?
I want to learn Chinese. I want to learn US History and maybe expand to world history. I want to sew. The immune system. Herbs for healing. Interior decorating. Refinishing furniture. Make the worlds best loafs of whole wheat bread. How to not worry. BALLET! Yoga. How to shoot better and from the back of a horse. Ju Jitzu and karate. There are so many more things!
25. What hobbies would I like to try?
26. Where would I want to live in my ideal life?
Ideal, not imaginary. Because if it was imaginary it would be somewhere that looked like the green mountains of Canada but felt like the climate of Hawaii.
But ideally, hmmmm probably somewhere warmer than northern utah and as long as my family is not too far away that could be anywhere. I love the feeling of a remote ranch with land all around but I also love the convenience of a city with it’s close shops and opportunities all around. So somewhere in between like a small familiar town with just enough amenities would be ideal.
27. Where would I like to travel in the next 5 years?
Oh this one is so my kind of question right now. I have such wanderlust right now. I would pack up my whole family and start an American tour first, with all the church history sights first and then the American History ones next. Then we would just explore and see the most popular sights like New York City and San Fransisco but I would also love to see the ordinary places like a small southern town in Mississippi. The National Parks would be next. Then parts of Canada and Alaska, Hawaii would be in there too cause it’s Hawaii and my family’s never seen it. Then when we felt we’d seen America sufficiently (is that even possible?) and our kids are now a bit older we would start traveling international. Where to go first?! Oh my! I have no idea! That’s a stinkin hard question! We’ve talked about Germany…maybe that’s where we’d start. Then New Zealand, and Iceland, Switzerland and France, Italy and Greece. I want to see the Holy Land and Africa, China and most of the other Asian countries. India and Australia. I guess basically everywhere. Except I don’t have a hankering to see Russia but that’s probably a mistake so I’ll have to look into it. Obviously that won’t happen in the next 5 years so for the sake of this question we will stick with…Church history, American History sights and the major National parks and cities, museums etc. So fun!
28. What can I do to take better care of myself?
Start exercising again and get my posture corrected and prevent my back pain from getting worse.
Keep up with my spiritual goals and give my life over to God.
Keep journaling. More.
Pamper myself everyonce and a while.
29. When have I done something that I thought I couldn’t do?
Driving from St. George to Logan with newborn and 2 kids by myself.
Serving a mission, testifying of Jesus Christ to strangers, knocking on door and inviting strangers to learn more about Jesus. Teaching a room full of protestants about our church.
Lift heavy weights, do a push up, a pull up. Didn’t think it was possible!
Go on a cruise (thalassophobia), wakeboard, boating etc.
30. At the end of my life, what do I want my legacy to be?
I hope that I can say that I was genuine and that I loved the people that were in my life. But mostly that I loved God.