I’ve never written about the events of September 11. I’m not even sure if I did in my actual journal.
Even with my epic lack of memory I can pretty vividly remember parts of this day.
I was a freshman in high school. I was in a computer class when the teacher flipped on the television.
We all were kind of in shock not really processing what we were seeing on the TV. Slowly it started to sink in.
I can’t remember what the rest of the day was like except at one point that I’ll share in a minute. I don’t remember if we got out of school early or how I got home, I don’t remember anything after that classroom experience.
The next thing I remember was walking through the door at home where it was dark and quiet because my parents were on vacation in Europe! They were in France to be exact which is an interesting story on it’s own because of the reactions they witnessed from the French people. Clapping…cheering…whooping and hollering if you can believe it. Disgusting I know.
Anyway, at that moment I felt genuinely scared and alone. I don’t know where my brothers were but for a moment I was alone and in light of what I saw was going on that day I was very uneasy and scared. My parents were across the world for heavens sake! An airplane ride away! Were they OK? What was going to happen? Could they get home?
I don’t remember anything after that moment either. I don’t remember when I talked to my parents. I don’t remember when they came home. There’s that memory of mine again.
My freshman year of college, my family took a vacation to New York and we saw Ground Zero. It. was. surreal. I remember being struck by the vastness of that space where the towers used to stand.
Then my Junior year of college I did a ‘semester abroad’ in Upstate New York where we traveled all over the east coast and New York City was one of them. Seeing Ground Zero again was just as surreal the second time.
I don’t necessarily like to remember this day but I thought it appropriate to blog about because it was such a significant day in history.
It still seems like something you see in the movies, not something that’s real. The pain and the fear, the terror and magnitude of it all.
It may not have affected my life or other’s lives directly but in some way it affected all of us and the country we live in.
I am grateful for the country we live in and that somehow despite the horrible things that happen we can pick ourselves back up and move forward.
God bless America!
I am constantly kicking myself for not taking more pictures. This day was definitely ones of those times.
This day seemed to be a mystic day somewhere off in the future that I couldn’t really grasp. But I really really wanted to. And it actually finally happened.
Words will never do justice to how I feel about what my hubby has done the last however many (a lot) years he has been in school. I am so proud of him. I am in awe of him and yet he is still so down to earth and genuine.
He is so excited about what he was able to research. He is excited that he actually gets to continue it now because of how promising it has become. Talk about successful schooling!
The celebration we had at my parents home was wonderful. Not only was the company and food perfect (thanks Mericar!!!) but it was the perfect time to tell our family and friends that we are expecting another baby.
Instead of 1,2,3 Cheese!! It was 1,2,3 Anna’s Pregnant! The reaction was priceless.
Again I wish I had taken more photos! Photos of the incredible food that my SIL pulled off without a sweat that I’m pretty sure everybody thought was catered…nope! Better! MERICAR!
Wish I had taken photos of the tables and people visiting, taken photos of the lip sync battle we had! I am so proud of everyone who participated! It turned out so great. And my silly brother who won singing one of Pat Benatar’s epic songs.
Congratulations honey! We’re done! And what a wonderful memory of the celebration! SO grateful for my family and friends!
My how times flies. When I look at these photos I feel like they were taken FOREVER ago…but it also feel like just a blink.
The photo below was the day he proposed. Hahaha look how young we look! I loved him so much back then but looking back I didn’t know what love really looked and felt like. I remember feeling like this was too good to be true. I was worried something was going to mess it up for us. But it wasn’t…it was true.
The first years of our marriage were rough if we’re being honest. We had some wrinkles to iron out and things to learn but we did it and we came out the other side even more in love! I will always love this man and I can’t wait to look back on today and say, ha! I thought I knew what love was then!
Wow. I am not very good at this blogging thing. Life happens and I stop. Obviously it’s not the biggest priority in my life….or maybe it’s just that life has been extra crazy? I will catch you up and you decide.
It might not seem like a big thing but the cold!!! Ah! It’s been so cold and so wet here! It really dampens my mood. Ugh. My face tells you how I feel about driving in snow in April.
I guess we will start with our living situation. One normal night we were in our beds sleeping with the window open letting fresh cool air in and all the sudden I hear this horrifyingly loud noise coming from outside. I was frozen. Was it an earthquake? Was it a car crash? Was it a car crashing into our apartment? Was it something I just couldn’t comprehend? All I knew was I frozen for about 20 seconds . David however spring out of bed quicker than a cat and was at the window frantically trying to see what was happening.
Then it was over. We still weren’t sure. He said he was going to go outside and look around. I called him back and said I had a yucky feeling and that I wanted him to stay here for a minute.
After a while of looking out windows and speculating we finally saw our neighbors (who happen to be the managers) outside talking with our other downstairs neighbor.
Longer story, shorter…a drunken, high physcho boyfriend of our downstairs neighbor had kicked in her window, (2 layers if thick glass!) crawled through it (without hurting himself) and strated to beat her.
He apparently took off because his story to the managers was that someone else broke in and he had to chase them off. Eventually the cops came and questioned everyone and then the search was on. They caught him which was great BUT the darn judge set his bail very very low and so he was released that very same day. Now she has a restraining order for him.
They day they brought a photo of him around to everyone and said “keep an eye out for him and if you see him on the premises call 911 right away”…was the end if it for me. We moved out that night.
Thankfully my parents were kind enough to let us bunk with them if only temporaryily.
My sweet neighbor is doing ok. I feel pretty guilt about leaving her there but I knew sleeping good would be over for me if we stayed. She had a good bruise in the side of her head but she is tough.
So now we are on the hunt for our own place.
We were planning on moving out this summer anyway, so I guess this experience just hurried things a bit.
The next big news is that we are expecting baby #3!!!!
During this whole scary moving experience I was not feeling well at all…it was rough. And all new to me because with my first two babies I felt pretty darn great.
Grrrrrrrrrrrr. This is hard. I have so much more empathy for women who are sick during pregnancy.
But we are so excited.
Around this time we also had to plan David’s Graduation party. I had sent out invites already and it was happening! Don’t get me wrong I was so happy this was FINALLY happening but since I had become pregnant and not feeling great my motivation and umph to get this party going basically disappeared.
THANK HEAVENS FOR MY SIL MERICAR!
She took over and saved me.
She is an amazing party planner and cook and the party was more than I could have imagined! I may have to save that for another post altogether. What a great day !
This is where I announced I was pregnant to all the family and friends that were there. It was fun.
So anyway you can see now maybe why I have MIA from my blog.
The only stress I feel now is finding our own place which is not an easy thing to do in cache valley right now. The competition is fierce.
Wish us luck, send a prayer or two. I don’t know but hopefully things work out…I know they always do the way they are supposed to.
I’ve been struggling this winter.
So much snow. So cold. No yard. Stuck inside. Ugh.
About 2 weeks ago my mom and I were due to go to Southern Utah for the Lights Festival in Mesquite, NV. It was going to be a quick but very enjoyable and needed break from the Northern cold.
But it didn’t happen. Last minute we decided that trying to schedule our driving times between 2 big snow storms was not worth it. Sad face.
So we planned a make up trip.
My cute cousin Ryan’s wedding + an available home = perfect!!
The wedding was on Saturday so of course we had to go late Tuesday so we would have all day Wednesday thru Sunday!
The home we were able to stay in was one of the many of my uncle’s, FIL. Beautiful. Big. Free. Freaking awesome.
Just across the street was a trail into the red desert where we could hear frogs and crickets.
Rock collecting was the mission of the boys.
Sun basking was mine.
Wednesday after we did the short walk across the street, the boys were drawn (without blame) to the hot tub on the patio. Although it wasn’t warm yet they had a blast splashing around.
First it was rolled up pants and ‘don’t get too wet!’ to underwear and ‘who cares!’
After that we headed to Zions. Wearing the same shirt btw.
The boys fell asleep on the way so we decided to take a Sunday drive. I’ll admit the purpose of where we went was to catch a glimpse of a property for sale in Virgin that I’ve had my eye on. 100 acres for oh only 2.3 million! It looked like paradise. A girl can dream!
So off onto the dirt road we went! Google maps on our side we did our best to decipher where this place could be! About 30 mins later on the dirt road (a rough one at that!) we came to a fortress of a mountain with a pretty iron gate in front of a perfectly manicured gravel road that went up, up, up!!
Probably about 1 mile of switchbacks up the side of this mountain is was brought you to this property. Nope, we didn’t get to go up there. But it didn’t matter. At that point I knew that this is somewhere I’d never want to live. It was way too secluded.
So it was a memorable adventure. Without photos of course.
Zions was wonderful. We saw the 4 Patriarchs and then we did the back side of Emerald Pools. Ben was a champ. He hiked the entire 2+ miles all by himself! Apart from the last little chunk where Mimi gave him piggy back ride because his feet were wet and sandy (crossing river mishap).
William enjoyed himself most of the time on my back in his little carrier.
It was hard to leave but the time came and we headed to IN N OUT for some hamburgers (and shake for mama).
Thursday was a bit more rough.
Let me back up a bit.
Before we left for our trip I was determined and felt inspired to do my best at making it a ‘worry free’ trip. As of late I have been so over worrying. It feels as though worry has consumed my being so there is nothing left but all the horrible possibilities around me.
I have been making progress and getting better. And this trip to me was the perfect place to really put it into use.
Enter Thursday morning. Now, if you asked my mother she would tell you that it wasn’t as bad as I made it out to be. Maybe it wasn’t. Maybe it was. We are on opposite ends of the spectrum when it comes to worry. It’s a wonder we all made it as kids to adults. 😉
William was in the hot tub with his cousins (they came down the night before to spend some time). He had his floaties on and I was close by because I knew that he wasn’t perfect with them yet.
Sure enough I noticed (thankfully because it could have been SO easy to miss because he looked upright) that his mouth and nose were under the water and he just couldn’t get in the right position to get out of it. I ran over as fast as possible and those few feet felt like a few miles. I pulled him out and he was struggling. Panicking and coughing in a manner that was concerning…sounded more like barking/vomiting.
Immediately all the what if’s running through my mind. I had read stories of kids who died from second hand drowning. It doesn’t take much water..and chlorine can highly complicate it. Or that’s what ‘they’ said. How much did he get? How would I know? What if? What if? What if?
Worry-free goal down the drain. Flush.
The next hour I was in full fledged worry mode. I spoke with David on the phone. I watched him like a hawk. I read things. Maybe we should give him a blessing? Nope. My gut, whether it was the irrational worry side of me or not said to take him in.
So off to instacare we went. Got there and the line was slow and so non-urgent. I felt uncomfortable. So back into the car to the ER.
My only other experience with the ER was when Ben broke out in hives late at night as a baby. We didn’t know what they were. My experience here was as positive as it could be. I wanted to run away but knew that I couldn’t.
The doctors and nurses were amazing. They told me that I did the right thing (at least I think they did) and ended up doing a breathing treatment for him. After having that they wanted to monitor him for 2 hours. So that’s what we did!
Another champ right here. No crying at all except to tell me he was really hungry.
Meanwhile brother was with his cousins having a blast at a new park. An amazing park. A dinosaur park with a life like volcano and a train!
The next day we went back so William could experience the fun and Ben was more than happy to show us around and of course ride the train again!
The doctor said I should look out for pneumonia that could possibly set in a day or two after but luckily as predicted he was just fine.
Thank you Heavenly Father.
I’m still trying to figure out what my lesson was supposed to be thru all that.
I feel like I did a pretty good job with not worrying after that. It was all about fun and memories. Suckers at Christensen’s, Children’s Museum, cartoons on the big screen, dinners at restaurants and more!
The wedding on Saturday was wonderful. I had never been to the Las Vegas temple and in March it was just perfect. I had the littles so I couldn’t go in for the ceremony but it happened so fast that I really didn’t mind.
Look at this cute couple. They don’t get much cuter than that.
I love my family all so much. It’s always great when there is an event like this where we can see each other for a while.
We just did nap times in the car mostly.
After the delicious luncheon we headed back to St. George but first we had to stop in Logandale to see Rob and Chelsea’s new place! And we ended up staying waaaay later than planned. But hey, I wasn’t worried right? 😉
I even let my kids jump on the raised trampoline at 8 pm in the dark, unsupervised. Roll around in the dirt? Sure! 8:30pm? Whatever!
But just like my brother pointed out these will be memories forever in their minds that they just cant help but feel happy about.
AND THEY HAD SO MUCH FUN!
Sunday was church in our old ward which was nothing like we expected because it has changed too much. Then lunch with the family up at Grandmas house. More catching up and connecting with loved ones.
Did I mention my joy ride in my Brothers rental?
Ya, he rented a brand new mustang for the trip. He left it with his wife for a few hours. She was in the shower for a few minutes. I was revving down Dixie Dr.
I figured if something happened to me my SIL could say that I didn’t ask her to take it…she didn’t know! HA!
Oh what a beauty. I do have a weakness for nice cars. I blame it on growing up with boys.
Monday morning we were doomed to be heading back to Logan.
My mom graciously saved our souls for one more glorious day. Afterall we hadn’t even been to Snow Canyon yet!
Monday morning we went on a short hike with some family. The familiar smell of sage and red dirt was like manna to my soul. Why do I love this place so much?!
This day we did do real nap times and boy oh boy did they need them!
After that it was back to Snow Canyon to play in the sand dunes!!
Really, if William was given the choice to do only one thing for the rest of his child life it would be dirt. Anything to do with dirt or sand. Just as long as he’s playing in it. It would be a toss up I’m sure between that and coloring or drawing though.
I do have to throw in this funny story though….
Monday afternoon before we headed to the dunes I wasn’t feel all that great. A week of eating the way I was (restaurants etc) my guts were feeling it. So I asked my mom if she would stop in the nearest store to get me some fresh ginger I could chew on.
At this charming little market near Snow Canyon out the door comes this cute store clerk with a ginger drink that he swears by….Kombachu. There in the parking lot in my car he lets me look at it and tells me all about how it comes from fresh ginger and how it’s carbonated so it helps with indigestion etc. He was even going to open it up so I could try it! It sounded perfect! So I said, “I’ll do both!”
On the way out of the lot, I unscrewed the lid and took a swig. EH. Something was weird. I screwed the lid back on and looked at it closer. This is what I saw…
Notice the paragraph at the bottom?!
My mom says, “Too bad you read the label you would have had a lot more fun tonight!”
I said, “I thought it smelled funny!
Holy cow, I almost got drunk in St. George. That would have been a funny story to tell the hubby when I got home. And no, I’ve never had alcohol before so I really would have been drunk.
So instead of getting a buzz in the dunes I just chewed on my piece of non alcoholic ginger. And felt much better.
The glorious sun eventually went down behind the mountain and we dragged ourselves home. A simple dinner of carrots, bell peppers and yogurt with oatmeal was had and then bedtime.
The next morning was cleaning time and getting read to leave. For real this time. William hid in the closet. I wanted to join him. Do we have to!!?
It was a wonderful time and really was my salvation at a dire time. It breathed new life into me and I am grateful for that. Next time I just have to bring my husband so I don’t have to miss him.
Thank you MOM for an amazing time!
“The moon is up, it’s getting late. Let’s get ready to celebrate. It’s pajama time!
Pull on the bottoms, put on the top. Get yourself set to pajama-dee-bop! It’s pajama time!
Now some are old, and some are new. Some are red and some are blue. some are fuzzy, some are not. But we can all pajammy in whatever we’ve got. It’s pajama time!
Some are pink and some are green. Some are the ugliest you’ve ever seen. They might be stripey, or polka dot. But we can all pajammy in whatever we’ve got! It’s pajama time!
Pajammy to the left, pajammy to the right. Everybody’s wearing them for dancing tonight!
Now all around the room in one big line, wearing our pajamas and looking so fine! It’s pajama time!
Hop into bed and turn out the light, you can have a party in your dreams tonight. It’s pajama time! hush hush. It’s pajama time! hush hush It’s pajama time. SHhhhhhhhh Good night. Sleep tight.”
Pajama Time by Sandra Boynton
This book was one of the boys favorite books when they were younger. They loved it right to death actually.
My kids don’t get new clothes very often, and new jammies?! Even less.
We have those footie jammies that we all love and when they outgrow them we just snip off the feet and they become footless jammies! Problem solved! They will last at least another 3 months or more! Sweet!
But we’ve come to a dilemma. They are both at that stage where if needed they can go to the bathroom all by themselves without mom or dad’s assistance, especially in the middle of the night.
However it quickly became apparent that with the zip up jammies this was a bit too difficult. William especially could not get the jammies back on by himself so he would inevitably wake us up.
Sleep is a sacred thing here, for David mostly so we bit the bullet and went jammy shopping! This was easier than taking the effort of teaching the skill of zip up jammies.
It was like Christmas around here again. And now they can’t hide their pleasure everytime it’s jammy time. William has even been seen (on days we don’t make it out of our jammies) to change into a different pair just out of sheer excitement. Like the beloved book says, It’s pajama time! Party time!
Oh the little things. Got to love new jammies. Gotta love these boys.
One day last week it got up to somewhere around 54 degrees. Holy smokes people that is warm around here.
So what did we do?
Dusted off our ‘outing’ clothes and the boys led the way!
It felt so good to be out and breathing fresh air and feeling the sunshine on our faces! I felt so happy and I can bet my boys felt the same way.
This winter has been hard…
I hate being cooped up indoors for days on end! And that’s coming from a homebody! It’s just not healthy.
This winter has definitely brought more of my mom out in me….Die cold and frost and snow!! Where is the sun so I can worship it?!
That day got me so excited for sun and warmer days that I became giddy and needed more! I’m a bit ashamed to say it but I even went and lay in a tanning ‘death’ bed so I could feel my pores opening up in pleasure as the warmth was accepted into their deprived little orifices. Oh the vitamin D! It was amazing. And I’ll probably do it again before the snow melts.
Don’t judge. Maybe you should do it too. You could use the Vitamin D.
Now just you wait until the summer heat hits and I’ll probably being singing a different tune…but I can’t imagine it. Not now.
I am grateful for sunshine and for this beautiful earth we get to explore…even if it’s just in little Logan right now. And I’m grateful for healthy happy boys who love to explore with me.
Sometimes as a mom I hear myself say the words, “please leave mommy alone for a minute”. Or “no, I don’t want your help, I want to do this by myself”.
I said these things yesterday when I wanted to sit down for a minute and have a few calm quiet moments with my adult coring book and some music.
But the moment I sit down and engage in something for me it’s like a magnet for little hands and eyes. After saying those phrases that I am not so proud of in response to “mom can I help you? Mom can I see?” I hear, “mom can we just sit and watch you?”
Break my heart. What kind of person am I? My boys just want to spend time with me and be around me, can’t I just take it as a compliment?
So I let them sit on the couch with me and they watch.
Eventually I tear out some pages of my coloring book to give them and they commence to quietly color next to me…For the next half hour. Magical!
It ended up being a wonderful memory making time and turns out I have some talented boys! This is from my 4 yr old who didn’t receive any input or help from me.
8 years ago today I flew reluctantly from Texas to Utah in return from my 18 month mission.
I had MANY great companions and made good friends. Just last month my cute Tongan companion (far right-if it wasn’t obvious next to us whiteys) was in the states and I was able to see her for a few short hours! The other two ladies are also past companions and good friends who live here in Logan so I see them occasionally but not near enough!
It was a fun evening of reminiscing with them.
Flashback to us 8 or 9 years ago….
Oh what wonderful memories!
One of my goals this year is to make a photo book of my mission…a scrapbook if you will. These were some of the best months of my life being a representative of Jesus Christ.
How do I begin. Here we are up in beautiful Garden Valley, ID for Christmas. We’ve been looking forward to this for quite a while now and the 2 weeks previous to our departure I took every precaution to ensure the boys didn’t pick up all the bugs that were going around like wildfire. After all is there anything worse than being sick on Christmas?!!!!
I was even going to keep Ben from Preschool the last week when they were doing all their fun Christmas activities. David sweetly suggested that might be too much and so we let him go. Monday and Tuesday were great. We were set to leave on Friday. Wednesday night we got a mass text from his teacher that her whole family came down with something including her so school on Thursday would be cancelled. Dun dun dun!!!!
Did I mention that earlier that week I had come down with something eerily similar to food poisoning? Ya. Never had that before and now even as I write this I know that it could have been so much worse. I didn’t even throw up I just got really close and then felt gross for the next 2 days. We still don’t know exactly what happened. I am convinced it was bad turkey that was just a day or two too old and David thinks it was a bug.
Thursday comes and we realize after some inspired promptings that we need to leave that day instead of Friday because of bad weather. So off we went!
So glad we did that! For more reasons than just the weather. Friday morning Ben wakes up with a sweltering fever!!! He progressively gets worse and around 9 am throws up once. CRAP!!!! Our Christmas vacation is officially ruined (or at least that’s what I have been trying to talk myself out of-attitude right?)
And in case you are wondering I am not angrily blaming David for talking me into letting him go to school. I realize I can’t shield my son from everything bad, not without him missing out on many a essential experiences.
We had decided on Thursday night when we got here that we would do Christmas on Saturday instead of Sunday because then instead of begrudgingly dragging the boys away from their new toys to go to church at 9:30 we could have the whole day to relax and take our time. Everything was going perfectly!!! Just as planned, or better!
Little did I know that taking our time is exactly what we would be doing. Poor Ben woke up with a fever and still felt horrible on Christmas morning. He hadn’t thrown up again since the morning before and by Friday night was eating a little bit. But everything just wasn’t the way it supposed to be! Can I just say how hard it’s been dealing with the very thing I was trying so wholeheartedly to avoid! I can’t believe it happened! But that’s life.
There was my perfect little happy boy lying on the couch looking like death trying but not succeeding at opening his presents. Break my heart right open.
But because of Ben’s illness, today had been something like I’ve never experienced before at Christmas. Stockings first….nap and snuggles. Breakfast and then more snuggles. Little bit of playing and then another nap followed by opening a few presents. After that we tried to relax and watch a movie downstairs and Grandpa and Daddy plowed the driveway of 9 inches of fresh snow! Then some more present opening and then some lunch and another nap! After nap time we opened the last of our presents at about 2pm!
This is the way to do Christmas I’ll say! It was so fun dragging it out like that. It may not be for everybody but for us this year it worked and it was really nice.
After lunchtime we did give Ben some fever reducer because it just wasn’t going down and he woke up from his nap finally able to fully appreciate the cool things he’d received. His smiles and happy sounds were music to my ears.
The bad news was that William woke up from nap with a fever. CRAP AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!
No throw up. No headache. His spirits seems to be high still so maybe we will get lucky and get by with minimal suffering with William.
Oh how I hate sickness. It really gets me. Especially in my kids.
I will say that I was taught a good lesson here when I saw how David and his parents reacted to Ben’s sickness…his throwing up more specifically. If you know me you know that I have a mild phobia of vomit and it’s a bigger deal to me than the normal person. Ha! So here was Ben moments away from being sick just absolutely miserable in his daddies arms at the kitchen table…everybody talking. Here I am absolutely panicking inside wondering what the heck I was going to do and how we were going to get thru it.
The big moment happens and that’s that. Talking continues as normal. Grandpa comes to the table with his breakfast, moves the bowl of vomit over a bit so he can sit down and enjoy his breakfast. What?! K, this is weird.
Grandma says, “Isn’t it wonderful what the body can do to take care of itself like that?”
I’m thinking, “Wonderful!!!?”
We clean up and take him downstairs to sleep.
I’m thinking, “What just happened?”
But after a while I start thinking and I realize that what just happened around me with my son being sick is closer to the reaction that I SHOULD be having than the one that I tend to have. What I witnessed with my in-laws and husband is closer to a normal and healthy response.
Throwing up does not mean he or anyone else is going to die.
Yup. I’m serious. I have to remind my sub conscience of this.
I am scared. I am a mess. I am down in my room breaking down for a moment or two. In part because my baby is suffering and I want to make it stop and in part because I’m…well I’m weird and I think vomit is the worst thing that can happen to a person.
My husband thinks maybe I need therapy. Maybe he is right. I think he is.
This is Christmas. This is Christmas. THIS IS CHRISTMAS????!
But you know what? It really is OK.
Somehow we will get through it and the memories are made. The boys are at the table (the very one Ben threw up at) playing with their legos happily and merrily.
It is going to be alright. Christmas is not ruined. We (I, more specifically) did get through it. No one died. Hahahaha it sounds so ridiculous!
Pictures of our very different than planned Christmas will be forthcoming.
The difficult part for me now will be letting Ben go back to school before April. Er…. Ever.
Happy New Year everyone!!!