Tag Archives: Motherhood

He’s Here!!

I still can’t believe it because the last week has been a whirlwind of emotions and just all around newborn craziness and wonderfulness (is that a word?).  But he’s here!

It started Wednesday night the 29th. My braxton hicks turned into something very different. Different enough that I couldn’t sleep. This was about 10 pm. Consequently I didn’t sleep much that night. We called Chris my midwife around 3:30 am and she was on her way to our house and was there around 4:30. She talked to me and set up her stuff then was able to go downstairs and sleep until we needed her. Since she lives an hour away it was comforting to know she was already close.

My mom and my sister in law, Mericar showed up around the same time too and just snuggled in for the show. I noticed around this time that my pressure waves were starting to be very inconsistent. They were strong but inconsistent and short. So at some point we woke Chris up and had her come check me. Turns out I wasn’t really as far along as I had hoped. 🙁 She said she would probably leave and come back as needed. I was sad. SO everybody left the room so I could try to sleep since this was around 6 am or so. At some point the boys woke up and they came in for hugs and kisses and I got to tell them that baby brother was on his way!

But something exciting happened! As soon as they left something changed again! My waves got more intense and longer! Something must have kicked in when she checked me?! Once I was sure they were different this time I ‘ran’ downstairs and was pleased to find everyone still here! They were all just chatting in the kitchen.

Chris and everybody else was so glad she didn’t leave because sure enough things started progressing after that. When she first checked me I was only a 2 and when she checked me again I was a 7 in only a matter of a couple hours! Whoop! So my dad showed up to watch the boys, eventually the other midwifes showed up and I got into my hypnobabies zone. I can honestly say that the ‘labor’ part of my birthing time was cake. So easy. I have hypnobabies to thank for that. I was able to just let go or ‘release’ as they say and allow my body to open and do it’s thing.

Transition or ‘transformation’ as they call it in hypnobabies was different however. It felt a little ‘off’. Well I guess he was turned in such a way that he was kind of stuck so while pushing, Chris adjusted him. At least I think that’s what she was doing. That part was hard.

Things started getting more intense and I was able to start pushing with each wave. It was more intense than I remembered it being and it kind of scared me and I fought it a little at first. But once I was able to mentally focus I was able to put real effort into pushing him out and before I knew it he was crowning! I couldn’t believe it!

He came so quickly and beautifully I couldn’t believe it still when he was placed on my chest. He was here! It really happened!

Soon after everything was checked and put into place, papa got to bring the boys in and see him and my brother Brian also. I was sorta shocked when they weighed him and he was only 7 lb 15 oz! Compared to my other two boys, 9 lb 12 oz and 9 lb 4 oz this guy was a shrimp! Oh how I love my tiny baby!!

He has been a dream. Just last night for the second or third time (mama brain) he slept 5 hours straight and then another 2.5-3!  He eats good and poops good too so in baby world he’s a 10. I feel so blessed with this one. My other two babies were good too but this time around I am somehow less stressed about well, everything and it’s making such a difference in my life. Go me! Stress and worry is what I do best so I am pretty proud of myself.

This is such a special time and I am keenly aware of it. I already am sad that every moment is fleeting and I’m trying to soak it all in the best I can. Before I know it he will be sitting up and crawling and then running around driving me nuts! So for now I strive to live in the moment. Every diaper filled, spit up, sleepless, snuggles and baby sounds moment.

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M.I.A….again

It’s clear that I am not great at this blogging thing. This is why my blog could never be something big or important. I’m ok with that. I think that if I tried to turn it into a money maker it would lose its charm for me. Or just stress me out.

Life has been a bit crazy for me these last few weeks. Seems like all I’ve been doing is running around crazy trying to get the last minute things ready for baby. Yet, there still seems to be a lot more to do. But I’ve accepted that everything I want done, probably won’t be done.

Breathe.

It’s OK.

The most important things are done.

I really do feel ready for him to come. I am so ready to snuggle him and smell him and feed him from the outside and see his cute face!

One of the things that I got done that I felt was important was getting a little office area set up for all of us. This included finally getting my own computer!! Yay!

This will (or I should say SHOULD) help me become more consistent at blogging instead of depending on David’s computer in those fleeting moments.

I feel pretty giddy about it. I haven’t had my own computer since college. I’ve laid awake at night with excitment at what I can do and how I can organize my life on here…pictures etc.

Also a project that has been ‘haunting’ me for years I can finally get done! It consists of converting all my families home videos (VHS) to digital. I am probably going to upload them to youtube as well as have them backed up elsewhere. I’m excited about that.

To do this, I needed a stable desktop where the VCR could stay plugged in while I tackled a little bit of it everyday.  It’s going to take a while.

The next biggest news in our life is that we have decided to homeschool Ben!

This was another reason the office area was so important to set up. He needed a place to ‘homeschool’.

We didn’t come to this decision lightly. And I’ll be the first to remind you that I was always one of those women who when the topic of homeschool came up in conversation said something like, “I could never homeschool! No thanks! Send them away! I am not that cool and organized etc etc.”

So this is as much a surprise to me as anybody else. But that’s what having kids do to you! Unpredictable! They come with their own personalities and needs…throw your own plans out the window…you need to do what’s best for them.

I might be writing a post on this decision alone. It’s a big one. The decision. Not necessarily the post but we’ll see. There are a lot of factors and other things that go into this and even as I type this I still have questions regarding whether this is the right thing.

You may wonder how could I have made such a huge decision unless I was absolutely certain it was the right choice? Well at this point all I can say is it was the more right choice between the two choices.

And we’re going from there.

Thanksgiving is fast approaching. Will I be there contributing a cake or pie? Or will I be home in bed with a brand new baby in my arms. Who knows? Either way sounds good to me! Bring it on!

Happy Thanksgiving friends!

What a blessed world we live in!

Today – Midwife Appointment

Today my midwife met me at my house for our appointment. We don’t always do this but it’s pretty nice when it happens. I love having a midwife.

I guess I’m feeling that way most especially since today’s visit went so well. I can remember all too well what it felt like when I thought something was wrong and how at that point an OBGYN was my safe place….my savior.

We realized today why there was such a discrepancy in his apparent ‘size’. For some reason she had me due on October 23rd!! So that would make me an entire month off! Ya, I think she had reason to suspect that he was small. Duh!  Anyway, everything is cleared up now and we have a perfectly healthy 28 week old baby.

I guess that’s just some of the stuff you deal with when you go the midwife route. No initial ultrasound in the very beginning to approximate the very best guess of how old your baby is. And then very few to no ultrasounds thereafter to watch the progress. It’s old fashioned I guess and ya it caused some heartache but I would still much rather be on this path than another.

So that is why I am going to cancel my appointment with the good Doctor. I feel there is no need to have another ultrasound when I know he is growing just fine. I can actually see it and feel it now. And Chris my midwife can also see it.

During that scary unsure time however the doctor’s time and words did A LOT for me which is why along with my cancellation I wanted to send him a letter to express my appreciation. This is what I’ll say…

Dear Dr. Horsley,

I apologize for cancelling my second ultrasound appointment with you but I hope you can understand that in light of a few things which I wanted to share with you, I feel there is no need for further ‘looks’ at my baby.

The first being that today with my Midwife, as she performed her regular checkups on me, pointed out that her original due date written in my file was October 23, not November 14. You can see then why, when she measured me she came to the conclusion that he was small. According to her we weren’t just a couple weeks off in gestation but nearly a month!

The second being that along with the priceless and helpful information that you provided with your ultrasounds, my midwife Chris is very confident that he and I are perfectly healthy and he is measuring a strong 28 weeks! It all makes sense now due in large part to you.

Like I mentioned before the information you provided us (which I know you didn’t have to do and were uncomfortable doing) was so completely reassuring and priceless. I will never regret coming to you and wont hesitate to do so in the future if ever needed. You said and did all the right things to put us at ease and at the time you were the only one who could do so. THANK YOU FOR THAT.

I completely respect what it is you do and wish you the best in everything.

Sincerely,

Anna Sherwood

Now as a fun side note, the only name for this little guy that we have come remotely close to agreeing on is Calvin!

Ah! I’m still not sure about it but we’ll see!!

Let me know what you think! Unless of course you hate it…then maybe keep it to yourself. 😉 HAHA!

Vaccination Day

Vaccination day. I hate these days. I tried finding a way out of it. I had my mom convinced she needed to come do it for me, with me. David just couldn’t get away. But like my mom said, I grew a pair and just did it myself. I know poor me, I’m not even the one getting shot.

But just like I tried convincing Ben that it wasn’t going to be that bad I convinced myself. And it really wasn’t that bad. He was a rockstar actually. He had little tears that welled up in his eyes right before it happened in anticipation but they never fell and the only thing that came out of his mouth was a little whispered, “Owh.”

I was a proud mama bear. I kept telling him that he was tough like Iron Man which of course drew a deep blushing smile from his adorable face.

So after the not so dramatic event we went for an ice cream cone cause, why not? The large one at Chick-Fil-A proved to be quite delicious and very large indeed! He had no problem finishing it…brain freeze and all (see photos above).

I love that smile. This boy is just the best. The sweetest. Just like that treat he’s holding. Which is why I hate seeing him suffer the consequences of the shots.

No, I am all for vaccinations but they are definitely one of those things in parenting (there are a lot) that you kinda just do on a LOT of faith. No, I don’t claim to know everything about vaccinations and yes, I’ve heard the horror stories and seen or heard or read evidence supporting both sides. It’s scary business. So the choice is one you make with faith. At least I do.

I was pretty worked up last night when he was calling my name in the middle of the night and as I came to him I realized that he was soaking wet in sweat and then he was telling me that he felt really sick etc.

Normally if it were William, I wouldn’t be as alarmed because ever since William was a baby with his vaccines he really reacted to them. Ben, however never did. It’s like they never happened. So with these I guess I was expecting the same thing but nope, last night was rough for the poor guy and today hasn’t been much better.

He is so excited for kindergarten.  Like his preschool teacher said, “He is for sure going to be the teachers pet!” So in preparation for that we also went shopping for a new backpack. Of course I didn’t get a picture of that! It was wonderful to watch him choose between two of his favorites. He weighed each pro and con of both and finally decided on the one because it had more cool pockets.

This boy now feels a little bit more grown up. Or maybe I just see him that way. After telling him that after baby brother gets here he is going to have to get those shots too, he was ready and willing to help his brother feel better. He is going to be such a big helper with baby brother. I love this boy so much. I am so thankful he is a part of our family and that I get to be apart of his amazing life.

And stare into those blue eyes.

Life Happens

Wow. I am not very good at this blogging thing. Life happens and I stop. Obviously it’s not the biggest priority in my life….or maybe it’s just that life has been extra crazy? I will catch you up and you decide.

Hmmmmm ……

It might not seem like a big thing but the cold!!! Ah! It’s been so cold and so wet here! It really dampens my mood. Ugh. My face tells you how I feel about driving in snow in April.

I guess we will start with our living situation. One normal night we were in our beds sleeping with the window open letting fresh cool air in and all the sudden I hear this horrifyingly loud noise coming from outside. I was frozen. Was it an earthquake? Was it a car crash? Was it a car crashing into our apartment? Was it something I just couldn’t comprehend? All I knew was I frozen for about 20 seconds . David however spring out of bed quicker than a cat and was at the window frantically trying to see what was happening.

Then it was over. We still weren’t sure. He said he was going to go outside and look around. I called him back and said I had a yucky feeling and that I wanted him to stay here for a minute.

After a while of looking out windows and speculating we finally saw our neighbors (who happen to be the managers) outside talking with our other downstairs neighbor.

Longer story, shorter…a drunken, high physcho boyfriend of our downstairs neighbor had kicked in her window, (2 layers if thick glass!) crawled through it (without hurting himself) and strated to beat her.

He apparently took off because his story to the managers was that someone else broke in and he had to chase them off. Eventually the cops came and questioned everyone and then the search was on. They caught him which was great BUT the darn judge set his bail very very low and so he was released that very same day. Now she has a restraining order for him.

They day they brought a photo of him around to everyone and said “keep an eye out for him and if you see him on the premises call 911 right away”…was the end if it for me. We moved out that night.

Thankfully my parents were kind enough to let us bunk with them if only temporaryily.

My sweet neighbor is doing ok. I feel pretty guilt about leaving her there but I knew sleeping good would be over for me if we stayed.  She had a good bruise in the side of her head but she is tough.

So now we are on the hunt for our own place.

We were planning on moving out this summer anyway, so I guess this experience just hurried things a bit.

The next big news is that we are expecting baby #3!!!!

I am about 13 weeks right now. I am finally starting to feel a little bit better.

During this whole scary moving experience I was not feeling well at all…it was rough. And all new to me because with my first two babies I felt pretty darn great.

Grrrrrrrrrrrr. This is hard. I have so much more empathy for women who are sick during pregnancy.

But we are so excited.

Around this time we also had to plan David’s Graduation party. I had sent out invites already and it was happening! Don’t get me wrong I was so happy this was FINALLY happening but since I had become pregnant and not feeling great my motivation and umph to get this party going basically disappeared.

THANK HEAVENS FOR MY SIL MERICAR!

She took over and saved me.

She is an amazing party planner and cook and the party was more than I could have imagined! I may have to save that for another post altogether.  What a great day !

This is where I announced I was pregnant to all the family and friends that were there. It was fun.

So anyway you can see now maybe why I have MIA from my blog.

The only stress I feel now is finding our own place which is not an easy thing to do in cache valley right now. The competition is fierce.

Wish us luck, send a prayer or two. I don’t know but hopefully things work out…I know they always do the way they are supposed to.

Identity Crisis

You’ve heard it said before that when you become a mom you lose your identity as it gets swallowed up in all that is being MOM. Who are you anymore? What did you like to do in your spare time before besides sleep ? Were you pleasant to be around? Did you once know how to interact with other adults? Can you do it again? What kind of clothing style did I have? What’s my style now besides sweatpants and t-shirts? These are questions that I and I am sure other mom’s have asked themselves…at least I really hope I’m not the only one.

These questions come up in phases for me. I feel like I’ll have an identity crisis but then it goes away for a while and I am fine and feel great about life but now and then it will come up again. Because of this reoccurring pattern I deciding I needed to dig a little deeper.

This time around when the questions starting coming up again in my mom brain, I decided to talk to my wonderful husband about it. He is always a good listener when I need it and is also full of good advice.

It really came down to the sad and maybe pathetic fact that I really have no interests and hobbies outside being a mom! Sure, I like to cook and I’m not half bad as my husband enthusiastically pointed out but that for me is not part of my identity in that it makes me feel complete or like I am progressing. It is more something I do because I feel like I have to…because I WANT to give my family the best options as far as food and nutrition. I am happy to do it because then I sleep at night knowing they are healthy. I’m just weird like that. But it’s not a passion…something that I WANT to do just because it makes me happy and I have a genuine interest in it.

Make sense?

I also discovered talking with the hubster that it’s possible I never really ‘found myself’ in my college years. It was still definitely a time of growth and figuring the world out. The only time I identified with myself the most and was the most happy about my purpose and passion was when I was called ‘Sister Stephenson’. After that I feel like I was methodically thrown into wife-hood and motherhood.

Don’t worry about me…we are not talking about a serious identity crisis here. Just one that makes it clear I never really nourished or cultivated any real interest or hobbies in my growing up years. There was piano which I love and will get back soon when my piano can get repaired. But there really wasn’t much else that as an adult I took interest in and ‘blossomed’ on my own.

So!!! What does this all mean?!

Now the time has come!!!

Tacky as this may seem, a couple of hours were spent on websites found by typing in ‘Lists of Interests/Hobbies’ into Google. Ahahahahaha I know. Good ‘ol Google.

But it got the juices flowing. And I definitely was able to rule out the ones that I knew wouldn’t bring my any interest or happiness.

And despite my downer sort of uncertainty I did get almost a full page of interests copied down! I am so excited now!

Part of my hang up after I figured this out was how do you choose the right one? Which one is the most important? Especially since none of them seemed life changing or society impacting. But again my wise husband assured me that there is no such thing as one more important than another. As long as it makes me happy and it’s good then somehow, someday the Lord will use those experiences I had for good in helping others or myself.

So here is what I do know that I love and have interest in but will be put off until a future time mostly for financial purposes.

  1. Gardening – although I could do some reading in this area to learn more methods and terminology.
  2. Landscape gardening – This is what my dad has his degree in and is verrry good at it. Maybe some of it passed down!?
  3. HORSES! – ’nuff said
  4. Ballet
  5. Shooting – maybe even competitively? On horses?! AH!  How fun!
  6. Ju Jitzu
  7. Becoming a personal certified trainer – who focuses more on the nutrition side of things.
  8. Hosting parties – duh!
  9. Learning languages – Chinese is first! I could also do this currently but I feel that it would be better done at a later time.

But here is my list of interests/hobbies that I am able to do at this very moment!

  1. Breakmaking! I’ve been dabbling but now I’m not holding back anymore! Books are ordered and tools will be purchased. And the focus is on 100% whole wheat of course!
  2. Creative writing – because writing is fun and healthy. But I wouldn’t say that I’m very good at it. I need inspiration. And probably a revisit to grammar school.
  3. Dance/choreography – specifically hip hop or similar…this is one of those seemingly unimportant ones but to be able to move comfortably and not look like a string bean would make me happy. I love dance.
  4. Interior Decorating – Some research and study is all it would take and someday with a home is when I could try things out. Before really thinking about it I never thought I would be the type to be interested in Interior Decorating but after binge watching ‘Fixer Upper’ on Netflix with my husband it has sparked an interest in finding my own decorating style.
  5. Blogging!
  6. Meditation – something that I have come to feel is really beneficial and important to practice. But it’s pretty difficult so practice and become proficient I will!!!
  7. Piano
  8. Missionary Work – always praying for opportunities is all it takes!
  9. Education – this one would include becoming a proficient in Geography, math, nutrition and learning calligraphy or just bettering my handwriting overall.

Are you surprised powerlifting isn’t included in this list? Me too. I am still struggling with that one. Maybe in a different time of my life it will become a hobby again.

This whole mom thing is a journey and things change all the time! I feel like this discovery is really going to enrich my life and I hope that future identity crisis’ are non existent or at least less often. Cheers to finding myself as I fight thru the high and lows of these hobbies and experiences!

Have you ever had an identity crisis? What are your interests that give you purpose and happiness?

On Monday we finally got William in for his year old shots. Ya he is 3. In governments terms we were running quite a bit behind but we obviously we not too worried about it.

Well, I can’t say that actually. I was extremely worried, just not about being late.

I won’t get into it here and now but I am sure you know all about the hype about ‘do vaccinations cause autism?’ and whatnot, well short story is both sides have merit it just comes down to which is less risky?

ANYWAY!!! After his shots he reacted the way he normally does..fever and not feeling good but this time it was bit worse. And I was freaking out. He is finally feeling better so that’s good but we were feeling so bad after his shots we decided to go get a treat.

And then it turned into a lot of treats! Freakin Kneaders bakery display.

But we don’t do it ever so we were thought its ok. Cookies, chocolate pie, chocolate milk and suckers for William! Sheesh! Talk about sugar rush!

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Ya it was fun but it’s been a week now and they are still talking about eating more sugar so it’s gonna be a while till we do THAT again!

10 Things about Me

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  1. I’m a worry wart. A pretty bad one. But I have come a long way. My motivation to change was ironically the worry that I would make myself ill by worrying too much. “Give it to God and go to bed” is my new motto.
  2. If my life turned into the movie, Sliding Doors, my alternate life would consist of me being a member of the FBI or some other equally awesome group and being so good that I get taken up the ranks and turn into some completely badass (who swears) woman who fights the bad guys and saves innocent lives.
  3. Sometime in the very near future I plan on taking adult ballet classes. I’ve been obsessed with this form of dance since I can remember. I don’t care if I’m old and too tall. I’m doin’ it!
  4. Even today when I think of my mission and being ‘Sister Stephenson’, my eyes well up and I can wallow in sadness, gratitude, despondency and joy all at the same time. What an incredible experience (once in an eternity even) and I still wonder if I’ll ever ‘meet’ Sister Stephenson again in all her power and authority.
  5. The depth of my love for music is in measurable. And to say that my sense of smell is dominant compared to my other senses is a understatement. Here is something to chew on….Can you imagine if songs had smells? Oh I can. What a world that would be.
  6. I really hate chard…and I don’t care for rice.
  7. There is a name for it, Thalassophobia. Yup. I got it.
  8. I’ve broken my collar bone, had 3 stitches under my chin, had my widsom teeth removed and I have a mild form of Pectus excavatum.  One rib cage is kinda concave or lower than the other. Cool eh?
  9. I would rather eat chard than watch a violent movie. I DESPISE them. What nonsense.
  10. I love being a ‘step mom’. I’ve never felt like one. Just ‘mom’ to sweet Lucie who has called me that since she was 5. I feel so honored and blessed that I’ve been able to learn and grow in ways I wouldn’t have had she otherwise not been in my life. I love my Lucie Lu.

Look Ma! I can float!

I’m amazed every day still  how different my boys are. It’s hard for me to list the many ways but it’s true. One example I’ll give you right here is their independence. Ben has always been very clingy and timid. He doesn’t like to try new things on his own without the help of his parents. He doesn’t like to fail which means he sometimes wont try something new at all. He is kind of a perfectionist. Mind you, he is 4.  But still. He has his mother’s sense of worry and caution (Yes it’s probably my fault).  He is extremely sensitive and loving. He loves to teach and help others in anyway he can.

William is the exact opposite.

Swimming has been an increasingly tough thing for Ben. He will gladly get wet as long as he is allowed to wrap his tiny arms around our necks and not let go. When encouraged to experiment with small movements on his own it’s met with a loud and determined no! Until yesterday.

My amazing husband patiently took his hand and (with his trusty floaty’s on) slowly showed him that he could do it on his own. Inch by inch and little by little he realized thru his fear that he could do it. The trust he felt in his dad and the little amounts of progress he saw in himself are what kept him from having a meltdown and giving up.

And eventually….he did it!!!!

And my timid boy was suddenly changed in a small way. It was so awesome watching him go from squeezing his arms around David’s neck to awkwardly splashing those arms around in the water trying to do what his dad was explaining thru his tears/laughs to swimming half the length of the pool with dad just right infront of him to swimming to entire length of the pool with no one around him in just under an hour.

So much fun. He loved his new found confidence and independence in himself and I found myself more sentimental and emotional than is probably normal. Oh well. I’m proud of him and I wanted him to know it.

Yawn

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About 2 weeks ago Ben came down with a stomach bug. Yuck. Poor guy. He was up whining all night (thank goodness not throwing up all night) asking for food and water. I don’t think he or David got much sleep (my amazing hubby slept in our bed with him while I slept on the couch).

The next day was a doosey of course and something new happened for him and us. This weird thing started happening to him. His face was one of confusion when it first happened…what is happening to my face?!!  He was yawning!!!  I realized after seeing his adorable face that I’d really never seen him yawn before! And he obviously hadn’t experienced it either!

I have to say I was proud at that moment. Proud that all my obsessive compulsive behavior towards my kids’ sleep schedules actually was expressing itself in this hilarious way.  I LOVE that he didn’t know what it was that was going on because he never had been tired enough before to do it.

I’m not sure he knows even today what a yawn is and what it means…most kids probably don’t know but I hope that his ‘unfamiliarness’ lasts for years and years; that he never gets desensitized to yawns.

I wanted to remember this moment because his face was so cute and after such a horrible night I couldn’t stand the pain that I was feeling for him. I wished that I could just take away his misery with a hug and I know that’s how I will feel his whole life.  Instead of letting it eat at me and instead of worrying incessantly I knew that all I could do was take care of him the best I can and that’s all I can do moving forward and ‘preventing yawns’ is on my list. 🙂