Tag Archives: Preggers

M.I.A….again

It’s clear that I am not great at this blogging thing. This is why my blog could never be something big or important. I’m ok with that. I think that if I tried to turn it into a money maker it would lose its charm for me. Or just stress me out.

Life has been a bit crazy for me these last few weeks. Seems like all I’ve been doing is running around crazy trying to get the last minute things ready for baby. Yet, there still seems to be a lot more to do. But I’ve accepted that everything I want done, probably won’t be done.

Breathe.

It’s OK.

The most important things are done.

I really do feel ready for him to come. I am so ready to snuggle him and smell him and feed him from the outside and see his cute face!

One of the things that I got done that I felt was important was getting a little office area set up for all of us. This included finally getting my own computer!! Yay!

This will (or I should say SHOULD) help me become more consistent at blogging instead of depending on David’s computer in those fleeting moments.

I feel pretty giddy about it. I haven’t had my own computer since college. I’ve laid awake at night with excitment at what I can do and how I can organize my life on here…pictures etc.

Also a project that has been ‘haunting’ me for years I can finally get done! It consists of converting all my families home videos (VHS) to digital. I am probably going to upload them to youtube as well as have them backed up elsewhere. I’m excited about that.

To do this, I needed a stable desktop where the VCR could stay plugged in while I tackled a little bit of it everyday.  It’s going to take a while.

The next biggest news in our life is that we have decided to homeschool Ben!

This was another reason the office area was so important to set up. He needed a place to ‘homeschool’.

We didn’t come to this decision lightly. And I’ll be the first to remind you that I was always one of those women who when the topic of homeschool came up in conversation said something like, “I could never homeschool! No thanks! Send them away! I am not that cool and organized etc etc.”

So this is as much a surprise to me as anybody else. But that’s what having kids do to you! Unpredictable! They come with their own personalities and needs…throw your own plans out the window…you need to do what’s best for them.

I might be writing a post on this decision alone. It’s a big one. The decision. Not necessarily the post but we’ll see. There are a lot of factors and other things that go into this and even as I type this I still have questions regarding whether this is the right thing.

You may wonder how could I have made such a huge decision unless I was absolutely certain it was the right choice? Well at this point all I can say is it was the more right choice between the two choices.

And we’re going from there.

Thanksgiving is fast approaching. Will I be there contributing a cake or pie? Or will I be home in bed with a brand new baby in my arms. Who knows? Either way sounds good to me! Bring it on!

Happy Thanksgiving friends!

What a blessed world we live in!

Today – Midwife Appointment

Today my midwife met me at my house for our appointment. We don’t always do this but it’s pretty nice when it happens. I love having a midwife.

I guess I’m feeling that way most especially since today’s visit went so well. I can remember all too well what it felt like when I thought something was wrong and how at that point an OBGYN was my safe place….my savior.

We realized today why there was such a discrepancy in his apparent ‘size’. For some reason she had me due on October 23rd!! So that would make me an entire month off! Ya, I think she had reason to suspect that he was small. Duh!  Anyway, everything is cleared up now and we have a perfectly healthy 28 week old baby.

I guess that’s just some of the stuff you deal with when you go the midwife route. No initial ultrasound in the very beginning to approximate the very best guess of how old your baby is. And then very few to no ultrasounds thereafter to watch the progress. It’s old fashioned I guess and ya it caused some heartache but I would still much rather be on this path than another.

So that is why I am going to cancel my appointment with the good Doctor. I feel there is no need to have another ultrasound when I know he is growing just fine. I can actually see it and feel it now. And Chris my midwife can also see it.

During that scary unsure time however the doctor’s time and words did A LOT for me which is why along with my cancellation I wanted to send him a letter to express my appreciation. This is what I’ll say…

Dear Dr. Horsley,

I apologize for cancelling my second ultrasound appointment with you but I hope you can understand that in light of a few things which I wanted to share with you, I feel there is no need for further ‘looks’ at my baby.

The first being that today with my Midwife, as she performed her regular checkups on me, pointed out that her original due date written in my file was October 23, not November 14. You can see then why, when she measured me she came to the conclusion that he was small. According to her we weren’t just a couple weeks off in gestation but nearly a month!

The second being that along with the priceless and helpful information that you provided with your ultrasounds, my midwife Chris is very confident that he and I are perfectly healthy and he is measuring a strong 28 weeks! It all makes sense now due in large part to you.

Like I mentioned before the information you provided us (which I know you didn’t have to do and were uncomfortable doing) was so completely reassuring and priceless. I will never regret coming to you and wont hesitate to do so in the future if ever needed. You said and did all the right things to put us at ease and at the time you were the only one who could do so. THANK YOU FOR THAT.

I completely respect what it is you do and wish you the best in everything.

Sincerely,

Anna Sherwood

Now as a fun side note, the only name for this little guy that we have come remotely close to agreeing on is Calvin!

Ah! I’m still not sure about it but we’ll see!!

Let me know what you think! Unless of course you hate it…then maybe keep it to yourself. 😉 HAHA!

Baby Update

So, everything seems to be fine. That blessed doctor at our appointment said all the right things and did all the right things to put me at ease. I am so grateful for that.

I will be just that much more at east however when we know he is continuing to grow…which will be in a week when my midwife measures me again.

But I have a good feeling. Everything will be OK.

Thank you everyone for your prayers, text messages and kind words.

I will continue to update as needed.

My conundrum right now is whether I keep the second ultrasound appointment with the nice doctor man in 3 weeks; 1 weeks after my midwife appointment? If I feel comfortable everything is going well then maybe it would be easier to not mix two different medical worlds together.  Yet the comfort of an ultrasound is appealing. Hmmmmm…..

 

28 weeks?

The last 33 hours have been rough. No, that’s not the right word. They’ve been horrible.

It started out with my routine midwife appointment on Tuesday morning. Everything looked good. Then she measured my belly. Listened to the heartbeat. Said something like, “Wake up little guy!”  it sounded slow to me and that was it. Then she casually mentioned something about possibly needing an ultrasound just so she can be sure he’s growing properly and is the right size. I never had ultrasounds with Ben and William.

They (team midwife) explained that with my previous two babies I measured the same weeks gestation the baby was but with this one he’s measuring smaller. She said something about intrauterine restriction or something…and then that was it. An ultrasound was scheduled for two days later to have some questions answered and I was off.

My amazing midwife later apologized for not reassuring me more as I left that everything was fine and not to worry. Not sure it would have helped much anyway because that’s just what I do.

I found myself driving home (this was the ONE apt. David didn’t make it to) bawling my eyes out with worry.

His heartbeat was slower than normal, he’s smaller than he should be…all these possibilities running through my mind.  It got bad.

Despite the fact that I later called my midwife back and heard her tell me that his heartbeat was actually just perfect and normal (this is when she apologized for not reassuring me more), I was still struggling.

To be compact, I had myself convinced that something was terribly wrong with my baby. Here’s the kicker though…I let myself believe it so wholeheartedly BECAUSE I believe(d) that my ‘trial’ had come.

You hear that everyone has trials, no one will be void. Life is hard and it’s supposed to be. You can’t progress and grow with out them. So my thinking has always been, “Ok, well I haven’t had any major trials in my life so something big must be coming…I wonder what it will be…and when.”

(Is it ironic that my song of the week is about life being too good that it must not be real?)

I was convinced that this was it. Here it was. It made sense! I’d been waiting and wondering what my trial(s) would be and here they were. No more wondering.

What is wrong with me?

To make things worse, this morning after the craziness of the morning (where btw, it didn’t help when Ben’s kindergarten teacher who when we met with her this morning for Ben’s assessment said, “you are so tiny for 28 weeks! I know she meant well but man for this situation it’s not what you want to hear) I started to realize that my baby hadn’t been moving around like he usually does. I didn’t want to panic unnecessarily so I waited some more. Besides, he WAS moving but only in one defined area and very weakly and not very often.  I laid down for a while because that’s usually a time I can count on him becoming more active. Nothing. I finally shared my concerns with David through tears and he suggested drinking a sugary drink so I did. I laid down for a while longer…about an hour. Still nothing. Not like normal. Not his rolling and shifting and really moving…just a faint little kick every once and a while.

So by this time I was a complete mess. I thought it was over. I knew something was terribly wrong. I was gone. David called our midwife and updated her. She told us to head into the local labor and delivery at the hospital. She called ahead and got us an apt with the on call doctor.

The drive there felt like an eternity. Thankfully my mom and dad were able to tag team it and watch the boys last minute.

I was able to get it together on the drive but once we were there I just broke down again so David had to take over doing most of the talking. I will say however that our particular nurse that got us settled was incredible at making me feel better and more comfortable.  She might never know what a difference she made for me today.

All the nurses were wonderful. They got me hooked up right away to the fetal Doppler thing and there it was, just what I needed to hear…his strong heartbeat. Tears of gratitude. He was OK. At least for now I could know that.

A little later they did an ultrasound and found that everything looked normal. They said he didn’t do a practice breath which they were hoping to see but that just because they didn’t see it means anything’s wrong. He’s still young.

His amniotic fluid is plentiful, his organs etc all fine. BUT he is measuring small…about 26 weeks instead of 28 like we thought I was.

We don’t know what this means yet. There is a possibility that I am only 26 weeks and I am doing my darnedest to be open to that possibility (even though I’m very skeptical because with conception dates in mind and a few other factors at play it doesn’t seem right to me – but hey I’ve been terribly wrong up to this point). If that’s not the case then he is a small 28 week old baby and we go from there. Could that mean intrauterine growth restriction? Something else?

We wont know anything until a second ultrasound in a few weeks to compare his growth from the one we got today.

The doctor that came in to answer a few of our questions was nice enough to do so even though it became clear the moment he came into the room that he knew we were ‘midwife people’ and that he didn’t intend on helping us much.  We heard about his morals and the mess that comes from trying to blend two different philosophies…blah blah. We told him that we understood.  Which we really do…to an extent. He answered our questions to the best of his ability.

When his time with us was drawing to a close however he said, “You two seem like awesome people though, so Ill have you come in about 3 weeks and I’ll do another ultrasound and see what I can see.” And that was that.

When I got home it wasn’t much longer before I got a phone call and it was Dr. Horsley asking if I had any other questions. He was very nice and suggested that I actually come in on Friday afternoon for a free of charge ultrasound just so he could get another look and kinda start over with a due date etc. He said he wanted a deeper history of my previous pregnancies and that we would go from there. (I’m trying SO hard not to worry that it was because of something concerning he saw after we left. See…there’s that fear over faith thing again.)

Nonetheless, it was very kind of him to call. I just hope he’s not trying to ‘save’ us from midwifery. Ha. The truth is I have always been grateful for the option of modern medicine…what a blessing if needed.

So that’s my story. I feel about 80% better than I did but there are definitely still some questions I have. Why is baby boy small? Now we wait.

So far what this experience has taught me is that I may seriously have something wrong with me. Not really new news.  I need to figure out why I view the world and God and our trials in the way I do. And why do I allow my mind to take control so heavily.  I mean I really really let myself believe there was something wrong. Why can’t I be positive and have faith instead of fear? Is mother’s intuition a real thing because mine was shooting red flags all over the place…maybe mine is just under the weather….and I guess the story isn’t over yet so who knows.

All I know is I have a lot to learn still. Oh and I love my husband…a lot.

What are your thoughts on trials in our lives..or the lack thereof?   How do you find reassurance through difficult potentially devastating times?

It’s a real thing…

 

 

No, I don’t have a real psychological disorder.  I love to be in bed but only if I’m sleeping.

It’s because I’m pregnant…right? I can blame a lot of stuff on that.  I stay up too late because a lot of days I don’t want the next day to start so soon, I mean it seems like the few hours in the evening with my hubby are just about non existent and well most days are just about the same and besides I like to wind down at night in front of the TV.  How’s that for a list of excuses?

I’ve noticed that if I don’t get close to 10 hours of sleep, shortly after I wake up and do breakfast and scriptures I am ready for sleep again and dragging! At around 9 am!

When I do get closer to 10 hours I can tell a huge difference. Is that excessive? I remember once my medical school brother telling me that 10 hours of sleep might be too much, but I think he was talking to pre-pregnancy me.

In face I’m sure he was. I’m sure now he would tell me it’s perfectly normal for a woman of my condition to need that much sleep. Plus naps.

So, I think I’ll go take a nap.

All I have for now….

Snapshot of our backyard from our little balcony. The black plastic is where our future garden will be.

I have been terrible about taking pictures since we’ve moved into our new house; both of the family and of the house itself.  This is all I have for now. It’s going to be a while before the house looks like I want it to. And the habit of picture taking needs to be reheated. Moving into a big empty house that needs to be filled just before a baby is born is not the easiest thing to do.  So many things on my to do list or my want list.

That house you see between the trees in the background the one with the white pillars is ours

Even though we are doing the midwife thing again which apparently is waaay less expensive than a hospital birth, we still have to come up with that extra expense somehow, not to mention all the baby stuff that I’m basically starting over with. I have a crib (minus the mattress) and some blankets…but that’s it.

We have 3 nice little apple trees that make for a nice shady spot in the back yard!
I love the Wellsville mountains so close!

Thankfully I have an amazing friend who spread the news to another mutual friend who just had a baby boy and is looking to pay it forward with baby clothes! I can’t believe how lucky we are with that! What a blessing.

But I do love this house.  Ya, it smells like old house (built in 1909) and it has more cracks in it than the great wall of China which allows all sorts of bugs in.   It does have it’s quirks and I’d probably never buy it but I love all the space. I love the charm is has with it’s 10 ft ceilings and wood trim around all the doorways and the 1.5 ft baseboards. I love the kitchen cabinets to the ceiling that I thought I’d hate because of the color. I love the huge porch that someday I’ll get to decorate. I love the huge yard with the old barn and horse. I love that Lucie finally has her own room. I love that it’s already becoming home.

The plans for the future are uncertain. Our ultimate goal is to someday build our own house (it’s a dream of David’s) and I think that it’ll happen. We just don’t know exactly when…or where for that matter. So for now we are setting up shop here.

I’m excited to bring baby boy no name into the world in this home. Here’s to hoping that I can have the ability to ‘nest’ to my liking as it’s a big part of giving birth comfortably, naturally and painfree at home (more on that later).

 

Life as Expected

That’s a joke. You got that right? Life is never as expected. We’ve been anxiously waiting to move out of our apartment for months. The time was getting closer, I would try to bridle my searches of our next home. Our hopes were high, things were moving in the right direction.

Then the neighbors get the windows smashed in by a phys-co path and we’re outta there. In with my parents only very temporary while we search for the perfect rental.

Look at several, not exited. Think maybe it’s not the right thing. So we stay put for a bit longer. We start thinking about the real possibility of buying our own house. We look, we wait, we talk we have to wait so we wait some more.

Buying a house right now is not the best choice for us so we rent. Looking again, look at a few and find one!

Not at all what or where I would have expected way back in March of this year but I have to faith that things progress they way do sometimes for no reason at all but that Heavenly Father will make the best of our choices…meaning we will learn and grow in the way we’re supposed to.

If I told you I was smiling from ear to ear about renting for another year I’d be lying. I am not excited. I am not happy about being under the wrath (haha) of another landlord. I am not excited about not having the freedom to do what I want with the space we’re living in.

But I am excited about having own space again and A LOT more of it. Our last apartment was about 800 sq ft I believe.

I have LOVED living with my parents. The boys have LOVED IT even more. The yard here is dreamy. I can nap on the couch while they play outside and not even have one little worry. I could go on about why we have loved it but it’s just time to move on.  I need to nest.

Another thing that was not expected was that we are having another baby BOY! I really was smart enough not get my hopes up either way, sure a girl would have been so fun but I knew there was just a good of change that it was a boy. Somehow still when that sonogram revealed the gender I was surprised!

But boy am I excited.

I always wanted all boys!!

So here is to the next several months where the expectations I have of Ben going to kindergarten and William to preschool, the new house, the new baby and our financial status will probably be totally wrong! But right!

In the words of Catherine Thomas, “What is, is right.”

Graduation Day & Partayyyyyy!

I am constantly kicking myself for not taking more pictures. This day was definitely ones of those times.

This day seemed to be a mystic day somewhere off in the future that I couldn’t really grasp. But I really really wanted to. And it actually finally happened.

Words will never do justice to how I feel about what my hubby has done the last however many (a lot) years he has been in school. I am so proud of him. I am in awe of him and yet he is still so down to earth and genuine.

He is so excited about what he was able to research. He is excited that he actually gets to continue it now because of how promising it has become. Talk about successful schooling!

The celebration we had at my parents home was wonderful. Not only was the company and food perfect (thanks Mericar!!!) but it was the perfect time to tell our family and friends that we are expecting another baby.

Instead of 1,2,3 Cheese!! It was 1,2,3 Anna’s Pregnant! The reaction was priceless.

Again I wish I had taken more photos! Photos of the incredible food that my SIL pulled off without a sweat that I’m pretty sure everybody thought was catered…nope! Better! MERICAR!

Wish I had taken photos of the tables and people visiting, taken photos of the lip sync battle we had! I am so proud of everyone who participated! It turned out so great. And my silly brother who won singing one of Pat Benatar’s epic songs.

Congratulations honey! We’re done!  And what a wonderful memory of the celebration! SO grateful for my family and friends!

Pregnancy Announcement

The announcement at the Graduation party! Everyone just thought it was as group picture but we recorded it instead and instead of 1…2…3…cheese!!  Well you will see….It’s fun to watch it a few different times to look at each person’s reaction.

Just missing my stinking older brother! He disappeared right before we did this! Sorry Rob!!! Love you anyway!

I think I can officially say that we’re settled…there are only little things here and there that need to be done and some cleaning here and there but we, including Wally (the rabbit) have made this ‘home’.  I took some pics and you’ll have to excuse the clutter or any mess that you see, I didn’t bother cleaning for the pics. 🙂  I also didn’t photograph our room, the bathroom, my parents upstairs domain and the basement.
We love our backyard.  It is so shady throughout the day but gets plenty of sun as well.  I think Wally is much happier here too. 🙂  Ben loves Wally.  He gives him loves and kisses…kind of just snuggles into him.
I love my boys.
Ben is so much fun.  He is growing such a spitball personality.  So loving and independent.  I wonder what is going to happen to his world when this baby comes.  I think it’s going to come crashing down around him.  We will do everything we can to make it as easy as possible for him but it will be interesting.  He really is the center of all our attentions and that is about to change drastically.  Boy do I love this little boy.  I wonder how I will be able to love another one the same.
About to pop!  Any day now!  Probably another week or so. 🙂  Sooooo ready!!