Today I had to teach the lesson in Relief Society. Yes, had to. I don’t really enjoy it much. I can’t figure this one out. I LOVED teaching on the mission….absolutely loved it. When I came home and received my calling to teach in our singles ward relief society and it was a total disaster the two times I did it I was taken aback. Not that I expected to be amazing but I guess I figured since I had become an OK teacher as a missionary I could do relief society easy.
Wrong. What is it about teaching members that is so difficult for me?! I have genuinely turned into a HORRIBLE teacher. My ability to form words for the purpose of portraying my thoughts is null. I’ve gone through it all…I care too much what others think, I don’t care enough, I don’t have the spirit with me, I don’t prepare enough, I prepare too much. I’ve tried all of these things and tried changing things but I still have much to learn.
I wish I could say I am grateful for the opportunity to grow and learn but I really can’t. I do love the time that I get to prep my lesson and the things that I learn personally during that time but when it comes time to teach those things I get lost.
It’s ironic because today my lesson was about how we can make sure to return to Heavenly Father and what the purpose of our weaknesses are. I know what the answer is and I know this is a weakness of mine that I should be excited about being able to overcome and turn into a strength. But why is it so hard! Gah!
Also I just feel so terrible that so many innocent sisters have to suffer through it with me by listening to me ramble.
I love Ether 12:27 …And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.
I just need to remember to keep coming unto Him in prayer and study to help me turn this weakness into a strength. I need to remember that being aware of weaknesses and a desire to improve them is a sign that I am on the right path. If I’m just floating along thinking that I’m doing pretty good then I probably wont progress as much as my Heavenly Father intends.
I also need to remember to not be so hard on myself. If I keep trying…I’ll get there.
Or maybe we’ll just move. 🙂 hehe